I am not a fan of facebook as it seems to be a platform for making me feel shit about my life. I am sure everyone lies about their wonderful lives on it. So, here is my interpretation of what is really being said on Facebook…
Wow..suitcase packed off on our lovely hols with my amazing husband and wonderful children
(I am shattered from being up all night packing for these lazy bastards…I want to drink wine already and its only 4am and we are not even at the airport yet)
Just cooked a lovely tea (insert picture), can’t wait to snuggle down with my man and eat it!
(hope he chokes on it…and I didn’t cook it at all, I warmed it up then put it on a plate so you will all think I am a domestic goddess)
Had the most amazing night with my lovely friends…
(spent most of the night providing shoulder to cry on for recently dumped friend, trying to stop desperate friend shagging inappropriate man, holding hair for ‘shots all night’ friend while she vomits up £40 worth of booze…never again.)
Just had a lovely bath complete with candles!!
(had to wash as covered in horse shit and electricity ran out so was forced to use a candle.)
Enjoyed a lovely long walk with the dogs today!
(because the f*ckers ran off and it took me 5 miles to catch them.)
Had a lovely day with all the family today!
(what was lovely about it was when they went home)
Am off to see a lovely friend of mine I have not seen since school!
(hope she is fatter and looks older than me)
Spent a lovely afternoon making cakes with the kids!
(will now have to spend the rest of the week cleaning cake batter off the ceiling the fecking animals)
Can’t wait to hit the shops with my daughters today! Girlie shopping!
(goodbye salary hello strops and arguments – just kill me now)
Going to have a lovely relaxing early night!
(have to get to bed and asleep pronto, hubby feeling fruity, am not in mood so instigating avoidance tactics).