Are paint manufacturers owned by drug companies? I ask this question because of the price I’m having to pay for paint these days.

My problems began when I decided to paint my window frames, doors and skirtings. It’s bad enough having to paint these things in the first place, but the prices being charged for a couple of litres of paint are becoming extortionate. It can be well over fifty quid for a couple of litres of gloss or eggshell. For that money, you would expect them to send a fucking decorator to put the stuff on, but they don’t. Welcome to the bankrupt world of the DIY home painter.

Farrow & Ball charged me £51 for 2.5 litres of eggshell and that was after charging me almost £12 for 3 x 100ml tester pots and another £43 for a tin of undercoat. And, by the way, the tester pots only come in an emulsion finish so it’s not as if you can use it up when you’re painting things like window frames and doors.

But forget about the testers and undercoat for a minute and let’s just look at the 2.5 litre tin of eggshell at £51. That’s £20.40 per litre. Think about it! That’s almost 20 times the price of fucking petrol. The highest price you’re likely to pay for unleaded petrol in Dorset is £1.30, with diesel coming in around £1.34, and they have to drill through the bottom of the North Sea to get to the stuff.

It’s not just Farrow & Ball, it’s all the rest of them that are jumping on the Designer Paint bandwagon. Everyone from Albany Traditions, through Dulux Heritage and Laura Ashley, to Zoffany are at it.

Mark my words, there will come a day when it will be easier to move house than to decorate the one you’re in, especially if you can’t DIY it and you have to rely on getting the decorators in. Some of them are almost as expensive as bloody plumbers.

 The Tea Maker

PS: You can comment on this story by emailing me at [email protected] and I’ll respond to your emails in next week’s column. We’ll never publish your email address.


“Dorset Cream Tease is where you’ll find the relaxing, maddening, hilarious and bewildering stories, gossip and rants that help all of us to cope with life in Dorset. Everything you read here will be 90% true (almost). So get yourself hooked by visiting every week, and feel free to comment or add your thoughts by emailing me at [email protected]

The Tea Maker

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