Chapter 2 Billy-Bob, Mary-Jo and Cuzn Luke
It was another hot day in late spring, with the air hanging heavy and still as Cuzn Luke sat on his porch drinking his own home stilled moonshine or ’shine’ as he called it. He was thoroughly engaged spitting spouts of sticky tobacco laced phlegm in the direction of a lizard as it darted about in front of him on the sun bleached boards of his porch when his phone rang. He rose up sluggishly from his old beaten up comfy chair and shuffled into the darker shade of his shack to answer it.
“Yeb.”
“Cuzn Luke, it’s Billy-Bob.”
Billy-Bob was christened William Johnson and called Billy by his parents, he picked up the Bob part of his name in his first year at school and it had stuck ever since. Billy-Bob was born with his right leg a little over two inches shorter than his left which had the effect to make him walk with a pronounced limp, or as the kids said ’he bobbed along’, hence being named Billy-Bob by his older school yard tormentors.
He lived with Mary-Jo and their three boys in a shack in the settlement of Malase surrounded my flooded Cypress and Tupelo swamp lands. He had taken over his father’s lease on ten hectares on Lake Cavelier’s shoreline alongside the settlement of Malase some five years earlier, and it was here that his family had had their alligator pens and sheds and made a reasonable living farming them for their meat and skins. However upon lease renewal, the land owner had rejected Billy-Bobs offers and reclaimed his land and that included the pens and sheds that Billy-Bobs grandfather had built. Nonetheless he had allowed Billy-Bob and his family to stay on indefinitely in the shack in Malase that he owned and they rented. It was dilapidated to say the least but it was home for Billy-Bob, Mary-Jo and their family.
“Hey Boi.”
Replied Cuzn Luke, returning back onto his porch trailing a long telephone cord behind him, he settled back down in his chair with a grunt, holding the phone in one hand with his bottle of shine gripped firmly in the other.
“Cuzn Luke.., Auh bin wondrin.”
“What you wondrin boi?”
“Well it’s like this, I bin havin sum thoughts aboud geddin me a new fancy alli-gatorr farm over ad the Lochap bayou an Auh’s needin some advice.”
Like everyone else in his family, Billy-Bob maintained a certain respect for the native alligator of Louisiana and afforded them their correct name. You would never hear Billy-Bob using the local slang of ‘Gator’ to name the animal. He showed it respect by using its correct name whenever he talked about them or encountered one whether in the wild or on a farm, having an intimate knowledge of their intelligence, cunning, speed and strength both in the water and out on land he gave them maximum respect. As he would say to anyone that asked,’ they been around over two hunnerd million years so they ain’t stupid’.
“Yeah, well what sort of advice is youze needin?”
Asked Cuzn Luke.
“Well it’s like this…, as youze knows me an Mary-Jo done finished our ol’ alli-gatorr farmin here in Malase …., gone two years now since we bin moved off the lake shore an Mary-Jo an the bois are all wantin the ol’ life again.”
“Well how in gods name can Auh help?….I ain’t no gator man.”
Exploded Cuzn Luke.
“I knows that, Cuzn Luke, but youze knows things about how all them fancy towns folk gets things done.”
“Yeah and ain’t that right, I knows things…., so?”
Cuzn Luke paused for a moment, scratched his chin, then took up his bottle from the table in front of him and took a long swig of shine, draining the bottle dry.
“Aaarrrgh, that’s better……, well Auh suppose Auh can help yuh.”
“Well that’s just fine….., now listen, Auh still got that long term lease at the bayou mouth at Lochap that gran pappy left me……, an me an Mary-Jo is wantin to set up a new alli-gatorr farm there, but Auh got problems.”
“Go on boi……, led me jus crack another bottle an settle back then Auh’ll listen and see hows Auh can help.”
Cuzn Luke laid the phone down and reached up to the shelf behind his head in search of another bottle of shine. His fingers felt along the shelf until they touched the bottom of a bottle, he opened his hand out and in one swift movement grabbed it and swung it down from above his head. He held the neck of the bottle up towards his face, gripped the cork with his tobacco stained teeth, and with a pop out it came. He took a large swig, leaned back in his old arm chair, puts his feet up on the wooden banister that surrounded his porch then picked the phone back up to listen.
“Go on boi Auh’m all ears for yuh, spit it out.”
“Well Cuzn Luke it’s like this, it’s about the land where the Lochap bayou meets Lake Cavelier……., Auh knows that the bayou an lake shore is preetected….. , as it’s all purdy with nature an all that…….., an that ol’ dirt track ain’t no size to be takin all ourne comins and goins, in an out with supplies an all.”
“Youze sure can tawk boi……, but wait on…, led me do some thinkin.”
Interrupted Cuzn Luke stopping Billy-Bob in full flow; he scratched his chin again and projected another brown globule of spittle towards the lizard as it sat on the wooden banister of the porch bathing in the full glare of the sun.
“As Auh sees it that ain’t no problem boi, youze just pitch up with Mary-Jo an the boi’s an get about gator farmin again, once youze there there ain’t nobody gonna move you on as its yourne grand pappy’s lease.”
“It ain’t quite that simple.”
Replied Billy-Bob with a sigh.
“See Auh gotta be speakin with them fancy town zonin folks about my new alli-gatorr farm an write them letters and fill in those fancy forms to get me a ci-tifurcate to build me my new farm…., an there’s all them fancy poll-i-cees Auh need to be nowin.”
“Well Auh sees what you is a gettin at boi.., you just keep tawkin an Auh will listen, then we will see where we is at.”
Replied Cuzn Luke before taking another gulp from his bottle.
“Oh yeah!….. Auh told Mary- Jo youze was as slippery as an ol’ rattler and that’s fuh sure…, Well….. Auh needs to know aboud poll-i-cees an Auh needs to be writin about my new fancy alli-gator farm so what do Auh do?….., Mary-Jo said she’d do all the writin as Auh ain’t that good but we don’t know what to write.”
“Listen to me good boi, Auh knows about these things an if you do what Auh is sayin then yuh’ll have yuhsel a brand spankin new gator farm for yuh knows it.”
Cuzn Luke stretched right back into his old dusty armchair, took another large swig of shine, wiped his beard with the back of his hand, scratched his chin, took another swig and started on with his plan.
“Here’s what you do boi….., youze need to go into Spicebridge an get yuhsel acquainted with a man called Mr. Aaron Gant, he’s one of those fancy tawkin realestature men, he knows how to be writin those letters about yuh new fancy gator farm, an he knows all about forms an them there poll-i-cees.”
“What is a poll-i-cees?”
Interrupted Billy-Bob.
“Well boi a poll-i-cee is a fancy word that means it’s rules for doin things or not doin things that they use to tie us all up in knots usin fancy words…….. Mostly it’s fuh us not to do things……”
“Hell Cuzn Luke with all these god dammid poll-i-cees me an Mary-Jo are never gonna get us ourne new alli-gator farm.”
Billy-Bob spat back down the phone.
“Hold on there boi.”
Interrupted Cuzn Luke.”
“That’s where Mr. Gant comes in, you go find him an tell him all about yuh new fancy gator farm, how youze an Mary-Jo an the boi’s is in the gator farmin business an how gators is all you knows about…. Tell him about all them there poll-i-cees, an the windy old track an all an he’ll do his thing.”
“What thing? “
Enquired Billy-Bob curiously.
“Well, he’ll tell Mary-Jo what she needs to be a writin an from what Auh bin hearin about them zoning folk youze can be writin anything you want, cos nobody gonna check on it, no check, no nuthang….. So Mary-Jo an youze just makes something up that sounds good an that’s that. Mr. Gant then goes and has a neegosheashan with those fancy town zonin folk, as he knows all about them there poll-i-cees and what to be sayin.”
“I thought those poll-i-cees was to stop people like me doin things, if that’s so then how can Mr. Gant help me an Mary-Jo by doin this here neegosheashan?”
“It’s the neegosheashan that will make all them there pol-i-cees be good pol-i-cees and all the bad pol-i-cees get forgotten …. Then with more neegosheashans all the fussin aboud the purdy nature will just disappear….. This’ll happen easily boi, as Mr. Gant used to be one of them town zonin folk an he knows all about what to do an say an all the right people to have neegosheashans with…They is all good ol’ bois.”
“What……, you mean the Klan?”
Interrupted Billy-Bob.
“Hell no, they is just good ol’ boys, you know……, just good ol’ bois…, all in it together that’s what.”
“But how’s this all gonna happen, Cuzn Luke? Auh thought rules is rules an there is the road man…, Auh hears he’ ain’t happy about that ol’ dirt track, least grand pappy say-id that they never liked it as it’s all danegurus an small an windy…, it don’t look good for me an Mary-Jo………..Then there’s all the folk down by the bayou an all, since they been knowin about me wantin a new alli-gator farm they’ve bin a hollerin an a whoopin an fussin an fighting like the devil’s comin tuh town.”
Billy-Bob said dejectedly.
“That ain’t no concern of yourne boi, Mr. Gant is just like me, a slippery ol’ snake an he knows about usin fancy words, an as for the road man, it’s a Mr. Clive Meek ………, He ain’t any good……. He never does a thing aboud safety, he just ridin around, never takes the measure of anything, nor listens to folks all a hollerin………That’s cos he don’t want to know an ain’t bothured.”
Cuzn Luke replied trying to soothe Billy-Bob and alley his fears.
“Uh-hu……, Auh seeze now…, but Auh’s still worrid about them fancy folk by the bayou who’s been livin in those fancy houses like they all spay-shal or something …. Word has gotten round an they’re all jumpin up an down sayin that the track can’t take no more traffic…..Yourne fancy tawkin reale stature man ain’t gonna get nowheres with them folk……. “
“Yeb, I hear yuh Billy-Bob, go on.”
Cuzn Luke replied encouragingly as Billy-Bob’s voice tailed off into silence.
“Well he might know aboud pol-i-cees an neegosheashans but what about these people?…. An what about my bizzness?.., Auh needs to be havin a bizzness an accounts an all an Auh ain’t got any of that, it’s all gone, all finished.”
“Heehaaaaughhw…., Haw-haw…, Haw…., Haw.”
Cuzn Luke chuckled down the phone, smiling to himself before replying.
“That’s just the point of Mr. Gant, he’s a reale stature man and that’s what he does, he fixes problems for people like youze …..Them there people can holler an shout an use fancy words but it won’t do them no good.”
Cuzn Luke said and went on to explain in detail how in his opinion the town zoning department will listen to Mr. Gant and take a different view on different aspects of zoning policy once he’s involved. He told Billy-Bob that through a series of meetings Mr. Gant would negotiate an outcome in the favour of Billy-Bob’s application. He also stated much to the relief of Billy-Bob that the zoning department will simply disregard or forget policies that might obstruct the zoning application and concentrate on positive policy statements to try and support it and get it approved. He also told Billy-Bob that Mr. Gant would probably involve a man called Mr.Benjamin Carouse, commonly known as Boss Carouseat Town Hall and he would provide a report on Billy-Bobs non existent business and was the man that would also provide business accounts and a history of successful trading.
“Once yuh gets them two slippery characdurs involved, whatever towns folks says an complains about won’t mean more than diddly- squat.”
Cuzn Luke stopped for another swig on his bottle before continuing.
“In fact if that there Boss Carouse says youze been workin at the Lochap bayou for years gator farmin with sheds an stuff an you is movin over all permanent from Malase from your main farming location an settin up for good at the bayou, then all them fancy town zonin folk will bleeve him. Non of them people who is all mad and complainin will be listened to cos the Big Boss Carouse has spoken.”
“You mean me an Mary-Jo will get ourne new alli-gator farm?”
“Yes Auh do boi, just do as Auh say an everything will be just fine, just like this ol’ bottle of shine Auh have here, fine, fine, fine.”
“Well ain’t that a thing.”
Billy-Bob whistled.
“Me an Mary- Jo’s gonna get the most fancy alli-gator farm this side of the Mississippi….”
“Fine things Pol-i-cees.”
Interrupted Cuzn Luke who took another large gulp of shine before continuing.
“Poli-c-ees are there to use……., or not use……., remember or forget, tie people up in or allow them to do anything they wants to do………., it’s all up to them and how they use them……, they don’t need abide by them……..,if they don’t want to.”
As he spoke his speech slowed and became more and more slurred, his hand, still clutching his half empty bottle of shine slumped down by his side.
“Those…. town zonin folk…., they can……., use false ……words, miss things out………….., listen… or not listen, include what they want or not. Infact as….. , Auh seeze it….. they have the…. best jobs you can get… as they do… as they like, when …they… like and to who they like… an ain’t …., that…., just……., the damnest thing ever.”
As that last slow stumbling sentence fell out of his mouth Cuzn Luke drifted off into a comfortable slumber, the grip on his bottle of shine relaxed and it fell an inch or so to the floor where it toppled over and glugged out the remainder of its clear liquid onto the sun bleached floorboards. As he began to snore and enter the world of shine soaked dreams his other hand released the phone receiver, dropping it onto the sun bleached floorboards on the other side of his chair.
A large fly landed on his bicep and slowly walked up across the faded tattoo of an upturned dagger with some unintelligible Latin wording under it, across an area of clear skin before walking on for a couple more steps to stop on another faded tattoo, this time of an eagle, Cuzn Luke twitched slightly in his sleep as the fly’s slow progress up his bicep tickled, he stirred momentarily and flicked the fly off his arm.
“Cuzn Luke…, you still there?….., Cuzn Luke hey …., you there?”
Billy-Bob called down the phone before turning and speaking to Mary-Jo over his shoulder.
“Cuzn Luke’s gone soaked himself in shine again, least he told me about the realestature man an pol-i-cees an now we gonna get ourne zoning ci-tifurcate an ourne new fancy Ali-gator farm an that’s for sure.”
Billy-Bob hung up the phone and hugged Mary-Jo.
“Auh cain’t wait tuh move on over to Lochap Billy-Bob Auh just cain’t wait…… Auh hate this place an can’t live here no more….., Auh wants to be back in Lochap it’s such a lovely little town.”
Cuzn Luke dreamed a shine soaked dream of dirty back room deals and conversations in the shadows with people looking over their shoulders at him, hiding papers from his view as they talked. As he looked closer the transparent ghost like people slowly disappeared into the mists of his dream to be replaced by thrashing alligators that lunged and snapped in his direction.
He did his best to run away but it felt like he was running through treacle, the ground sucked at his feet and his legs felt as heavy as lead. His boots pounded the earth as he ran along a winding dirt track with the alligators snapping ferociously at his heels, somehow he managed to put some distance between the cavernous jaws that tried to devour him as his booted feet pounded like pistons along the track as he made his escape.
Lining each side of the track were rows of people, some he recognised as living in Lochap, they were laughing and pointing at him and some of them reached out with large clawing hands trying to grab hold of him, to catch him or a least slow his escape. He heard the noise of engines revving and looking over his shoulder saw an assortments of pickups careering along the track behind him with alligators hanging from their windows snapping and gnashing their jaws together. There was a sudden bang and he saw Billy-Bob and Mary-Jo standing at the end of the track calling out to him. They were waving their arms and beckoning him to come to them.
“Hurry Cuzn Luke…, hurry!”
They shouted as the pickups gained on him.
“C’mon Cuzn Luke.., c’mon faster.”
Billy-Bob called out to him.
“Cuzn Luke……., Cuzn Luke……………., Cuzn Luke.”
Billy-Bobs old ford pick-up had shuddered to a halt in a cloud of dust and flies just in front of Cuzn Luke’s shack; he opened his door and jumped out with Mary-Jo in hot pursuit.
“Cuzn Luke….., Cuzn Luke……Cuzn Luke.”
He yelled as he and Mary-Jo raced up the rickety old stairs onto the porch. Cuzn Luke was slumped back in his old armchair, his body twitched and jumped and his face was etched with a look of sheer horror.
“Hey Cuzn Luke.”
Billy-Bob called again, leaning forward to shake the slumbering man roughly by the shoulder.
“Cuzn Luke wake up.”
Screeched Mary-Jo.
“We is needin to be tawkin with yuh right away.”
Billy-Bob shouted as he continued to shake Cuzn Luke roughly.
“C’mon, wake up you ol’ fool….., god dam yuh we needs to tawk.”
With a jump and shudder, Cuzn Luke awoke, wide eyed and confused.
“What in gods name is a happenin?… What the……..Ughh……..I’ve juts had the strangest dream………, all confusing.., gators snappin at me an people all fussin, and shoutin, an….”
Billy-Bob cut in quickly as soon as he realised Cuzn Luke was going off on one of his rambles.
“Cuzn Luke, we needs to tawk with yuh again, we just made a call to that fancy ol’ Mr. Gant on the phone an told him all about ourne alli-gator farm an what we is needin dun an what youze said.”
“An we asks him if he can help us an all. “
Continued Mary-Jo.
“He said, for sure he can help, that’s his bizzness an that’s what he does, but then he said ‘muh fees’ll be more than youze can afford to pay……’. Auh ain’t no cooyon………., what he was meanin was that by the ways we tawk we must be porwa an ain’t gonna have the money to pay someone like him for all his hard work anneegosheashansan that…….. He then said cos his fees is so much we’d be better off just doin the writin ourselves an fill out them forms best we can, an that was that…….. Auh just hung up on him as Auh was feelin all hont.”
Mary-Jo spat out in sheer indignation and frustration.
“What we gonna do now?”
Billy-Bob asked despairingly as he sunk down on the floor next to Cuzn Luke’s dirty old arm chair, he reached out his hand, grabbed the bottle of shine off of the table, put it to his lips and took three large swigs.
By Now Cuzn Luke had gathered his wits about himself a little and had taken in all that his two hot headed friends had just told him.
“Hey calm yuhsel’s down a bit an let me do a little thinkin……, an give me that here boi.”
He said as he snatched his bottle of shine away from the mouth of Billy-Bob. Scratching his beard then stretching his neck slowly from side to side he comfied himself in his chair, leant back, put the bottle to his lips and guzzled. When he had quenched his thirst he put the bottle down and said quite matter of factly.
“Well this is what youze is gonna have to do then, you’ll need to convince Mr. Gant that youze can pay fuh his fancy help … If not then youze gonna have to do it all by yuhsels……… As yuh said Mary-Jo can do the writin an forms an that, an between us all we can make us up a little story. Then you just takes yuh forms into those town zoning folks an pays a little fee then wait an see.”
Billy-Bob and Mary-Jo slouched back against the wooden front wall of the shack and stared out across the hot, dry and dusty grasslands that stretched out as far as the eye could see. They both wore blank expressions, their high spirits had been knocked out of them and they were completely deflated.
Cuzn Luke looked across at them and said.
“Don’t you two be mopein…., lets talk some more an see what’s what…., but the first thing you needs to do is make an appointment an go an see Mr. Gant fuh-ace to fuh-ace…, just phonin ain’t no good.
Cuzn Luke explained that men like Mr. Gant are professional people and people like him prefer to meet with new clients and start to build a professional relationship. He went on to tell them both for any meeting that is arranged they need to turn up on time, be dressed smartly and speak politely to Mr. Gant when they explained their hopes and dreams of getting approval to build an alligator farm at the mouth of the Lokchapi Bayou. He discussed with them what information Mr. Gant would probably want them to provide and reassured them that with Mr. Gants help all would turn out for the best. He did however tell them that it would probably be quite a substantial cost associated with securing Mr. Gants services, how much it would cost he wasn’t sure of but they would obviously have to pay for his professional help and in his opinion that would not come cheap.
As Cuzn Luke talked Mary-Jo watched a great Blue Heron circle high above, slowly turning in the hot late spring air it headed off towards where the Lokchapi bayou met Lake Cavelier. ‘must be in search of a belly full of speckled Trout or Redfish’ she thought as she watched it carry on its way further and further into the distance getting smaller and smaller as it went. Just before it became a speck in the sky, Mary-Jo watched it circle then dive down towards the cool waters that she knew would be below it.
I hope you enjoy your reading. It is available on Kindle and a free copy can be borrowed for download at https://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Blue-Heron-Howard-Moore-ebook/dp/B00KK6BWLK..
Howard Moore
