If you believe the world of online pornography is a distant concern for your teenager, it’s time for a stark and urgent reckoning. A silent, dangerous trend, imported directly from the most popular porn sites, is shaping the sexual experiences of a generation. As a parent, you need to know that your sons and daughters are at risk of being influenced to copy a specific act during sex: choking.
This week, the UK government took a landmark step, announcing it will make the publication or possession of pornographic depictions of strangulation and suffocation – often sanitised by the term “choking” – illegal. This is a bold and necessary move, but it cannot, on its own, undo the damage that has already been done.
From Niche to Normal: How Choking Became Mainstream
Just twenty years ago, studies of pornographic content found barely any instances of strangulation. Today, the landscape is horrifyingly different. An independent review this year found it is now rife on the most popular porn sites. The Children’s Commissioner revealed this summer that a staggering 58% of young people have seen strangulation in pornography, even though only 6% had actively searched for it. As renowned porn producer Erika Lust states, it has become the “alpha and omega” of any porn scene.
This matters because pornography has become the default sex educator for too many young people. In a recent survey, 70% of young men said porn was their first exposure to sex. And the lesson it is teaching is clear: the more porn they watch, the more strangulation they see – and studies show, the more likely they are to strangle someone during sexual activity. This is not speculation; research among male students confirms this direct link.
The Disturbing Reality in Young People’s Lives
This influence is not staying on the screen. Reports suggest that between one-third and one-half of young people have now experienced being choked or strangled during sex. Crucially, this is a deeply gendered practice: it is overwhelmingly men doing the strangling and women and sexual minorities on the receiving end.
Porn is not the only culprit, though it is the primary driver. Popular culture reinforces the message that this is normal, even harmless. You’ll find supposedly humorous memes and hashtags like #chokemedaddy and popular songs, such as Jack Harlow’s ‘Lovin on Me’, referring to choking as “vanilla”. In the darker corners of the internet, the ‘manosphere’ actively encourages it as an ultra-masculine act.
The Grave Risks Every Parent Must Understand
The most critical part of this conversation is the severe physical harm this act can cause. The common assumption is that it is safe. This is a dangerous myth.
We have long known that strangulation can cause unconsciousness, sore throats, dizziness, and even strokes. But emerging medical research is uncovering a far more insidious danger. Using MRI scans and blood tests, scientists are finding that frequent sexual strangulation impairs brain function, affecting information processing and concentration. This is worrying for anyone, but it is especially alarming for young women, whose brains are still developing.
It is vital to state this clearly: consent does not protect you from brain damage. A young person cannot freely agree to a risk they do not understand, and the tragic reality is that most are completely unaware of these hidden harms. Many boys are strangling their partners without knowing the real, permanent damage they could be causing.
What Can Be Done?
The government’s new law is a watershed moment. It forces porn platforms and social media sites like X to proactively detect and remove this content. This is a brave and welcome start.
However, a law is only as good as its enforcement. We must pressure regulators to act where they have previously failed—rape porn is already illegal, yet it remains common online.
Ultimately, the first line of defence is awareness. We must have open, honest, and difficult conversations with our children. We must explain that what they see in porn is not a blueprint for a healthy, safe, or mutually pleasurable sex life. We must tell our daughters that they should never feel pressured to accept something that can harm them, and we must teach our sons that true intimacy never involves risking a partner’s health and safety.
This is not about being “sex-negative” or creating a “moral panic.” It is about caring enough to confront a serious public health issue that is affecting young people right now. The choking trend is a silent crisis, and it’s time we gave our children the knowledge to breathe freely.
