Margate, often dubbed the British Ibiza, Shoreditch on Sea, or the Camden of the Southeast, boasts a colourful assortment of nicknames for a small seaside town. However, now it can add another to its list, as Margate has become the unofficial polyamory capital of England.
In the midst of mid-August, if you board a train headed for Tracy Emin’s hometown, any lingering associations with Nigel Farage’s UKIP glory days are swiftly replaced. Instead, you’ll encounter a town brimming with art galleries, chic boutiques, artisanal cafes, and trendy bars. Margate even has its very own Banksy, and during the summer, it transforms into the epicentre of one of the hottest parties on the south coast—Margate Pride, where rainbow flags wave proudly, drag queens and allies dance on tables, ’90s pop icons strut their stuff, and tourists and locals revel till dawn.
For those unacquainted with the term, polyamory involves engaging in romantic relationships with multiple consenting partners simultaneously, a practice characterised by transparency and open communication that sometimes blurs the lines of sexuality.
In a town as small as Margate, with a population of just over 60,000, it’s not uncommon to run into your partner’s other romantic interests. Surprisingly, this doesn’t lead to awkward confrontations, according to Margate resident and sex educator Ruby Rare, who co-hosts E4’s Sex Rated. Ruby, a 27-year-old with vibrant Barbie-pink hair and a welcoming smile, views these encounters as opportunities for hugs rather than icy glares. She emphasises that in Margate, it’s more about forming connections within a broader friendship circle than feeling territorial about partners.
As Margate’s status as a hipster haven solidifies, house prices have surged significantly, outpacing the national average by almost 50% over the past five years, rising from £245,199 to £317,036, a 29% increase, as reported by Rightmove. Some describe it as the swiftest wave of gentrification they’ve ever witnessed.
While pinpointing the exact number of polyamorous individuals in the UK, let alone Margate, is challenging, recent polls reveal that 35% of Brits believe humans aren’t inherently monogamous. Only 1% currently engage in polyamorous relationships, but 10% are open to considering them. This trend is particularly prevalent among younger age groups, with 4% of 18- to 24-year-olds actively practicing polyamory and 12% open to the idea.
In Margate, the acceptance of polyamory as a relationship choice is an open secret frequently discussed at parties, LGBTQIA+-friendly venues, and clubs. Ruby and some friends have even initiated the town’s first official meet-up for Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM) individuals.
Despite the vibrant polyamorous community, Margate remains economically divided, with some areas enjoying a queer-friendly atmosphere while others struggle with financial hardships.
The intimacy of small-town life, according to experts like Ruby, contributes to the success and visibility of polyamory in places like Margate. Openness and honesty about one’s dating life are central to non-monogamous relationships, and in close-knit communities, keeping secrets is more challenging.
In the polyamorous scene of Margate, it’s not just newcomers (Down From Londoners or DFLs) who participate. Local residents like Genevieve Pepper, a 45-year-old writer and performance artist who adopts the persona of dominatrix Jezebel Pye in her comedy act, have also embraced polyamory. After her marriage ended, she explored unconventional hook-ups on the Feeld dating app and discovered a world of sexual adventure right in her backyard.
Genevieve identifies as “solo poly,” meaning she maintains multiple intimate relationships while preserving her independence. Although she resides in the neighbouring town of Ramsgate, much of her social life unfolds in Margate.
However, class divisions run deep within the polyamorous scene. Genevieve, accused of being a Londoner by locals due to her unconventional style, bridges the gap between the local LGBTQIA+ and polyamorous communities and the creative middle-class transplants from London.
The clash between these groups reflects broader social and class divides. Middle-class creatives who have migrated from the capital sometimes create a “woke bubble,” leaving local residents feeling left out. While Margate offers artisanal and vegan options and hosts fantastic parties, those struggling with employment and childcare often can’t partake in the same way.
Polyamory, like any relationship style, comes with its own emotional challenges. The visibility of the polyamorous scene in Margate can lead some people to feel pressured to participate, particularly women trying to be “cool” or save their relationships.
According to Genevieve, sex parties inspired by events like London’s Torture Garden have gained popularity in the region, both in private homes and public spaces. While she doesn’t oppose these gatherings, she worries that importing such ideas from London could lead to issues as the scene continues to grow.
For Ruby, the growth of Margate’s appeal is more about connection and community than just sex and scandal. She emphasises the concept of “Kitchen Table Polyamory,” where everyone involved can sit together, have a cup of tea, and chat openly about their relationships.
While open relationships are accepted in certain circles in Margate, they’re far from universal. As gentrification accelerates, there are moments of tension as locals and newcomers grapple with the surge in property prices and the cost of living crisis.
Despite occasional negative experiences, many in the polyamorous scene, like Genevieve, prefer it to monogamy. In a region like Thanet, which heavily supported Brexit, conventional dating can be a political minefield for those with left-leaning views. Being part of the poly scene provides a level playing field where shared values make connections easier to form.
So, is Margate truly the polyamory capital of England? Opinions vary, but everyone agrees it’s a place where alternative lifestyles and relationship choices can flourish. Regardless of what you seek or how you define it, one thing is clear—this seaside town is alive with possibilities.
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