The Prime Minister tweeted, “I’m delighted by the news that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting a baby. They will make wonderful parents.” I just bet he is. Christmas come early for Call Me Dave, eh? As the cliche has it, a good day to bury bad news. Thankfully, all that Leveson nonsense will now be rightfully consigned to pages of newspapers other than the front ones. Ditto, those squalid and repugnant child abuse scandals, currently embroiling establishment figures right across the board, not to mention a fractured economy, soaring job losses and plummeting standards of living. Equally, who now cares that Israel, with all the pique of a spoiled, psychopathic child, following Palestine’s, largely symbolic, victory at the UN is flouting all that is decent and humane and pressing ahead with the building of yet more settler homes? Yeah, Dave must be on his bended knees, right about now, thanking whatever God he favours for this timely gift.
Strangely, though, I’ve yet to hear back from our PM in response to the questions I tweeted him regarding the Royal pregnancy. As you’ll no doubt be aware, the government’s hard-line approach to restoring the economy to something approximating stability has involved a huge ideological offensive against benefit claimants. Or ‘scroungers’ and ‘parasites’ as their faithful servants at the Daily Mail et al would have it. So, as I say, I’m still awaiting Dave’s thoughts on my first question, “…I do hope you’ll be telling them [The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge] off? Having children while being supported by the taxpayer is irresponsible, right?” One might even describe such actions as those of ”feckless ne’er-do-wells” as, indeed, did Tory MEP Roger Helmer so describe. Although, to be fair, he was talking about those grubby poor people; not the rich, Royal and privileged benefit recipient.
Equally, there is little but silence, currently, from Downing Street regarding my second inquiry, which was to wonder if, God forbid, the Royal progeny should be saddled with a disability of some sort, whether ATOS would be hacking and slashing some of the substantial taxpayer-funded benefits enjoyed by Mr and Mrs Windsor? I understand Dave’s a bit busy, currently, so I expect he’ll get back to me on that one when his demanding schedule allows.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the House, no one was going to stop the Leader of The Opposition (the term is deployed incredibly loosely, you understand) from out-toadying and out-Torying the Tories. Yes, as anxious as ever to prove he represents absolutely no threat to the Establishment whatsoever, fearless class warrior, valiant defender of the poor and huddled masses & fiery principled proletarian, Ed Miliband, gave his view on the Royal pregnancy…”Fantastic news for Kate, William and the country. A royal baby is something the whole nation will celebrate.” My good friend and fellow hack, David Osler, comments beautifully on this here. Suffice it to say, the late Ralph Miliband, father of Ed and brother David, must be spinning furiously in his grave.
And what of the Royal couple themselves? Well, we learn the young Duchess had been admitted to hospital with “severe morning sickness.” Yes, you read that correctly. Although, in the interests of accuracy, one should point out that this is not the usual, much less severe, working class type of morning sickness. Not the sort that forces poverty-stricken mums on council estates across the land to rise from their sick beds every day and attend their minimum wage jobs in vain attempts to keep their perilously shaky financial ships afloat. No, obviously this type of Royal morning sickness is much more unpleasant than that and requires an extended stay at one of the nation’s few remaining NHS hospitals. I’m sure you’ll join me in hoping that the young mother-to-be is not inconvenienced by any of that hospital closure nonsense. Similarly, one hopes the current austerity-induced cuts to jobs and services don’t impact on the care that she, as a fellow tax payer, ho ho ho, is entitled to expect. Of course, I’m being silly here, given the Duchess is safely ensconced at the elite private King Edward VII Hospital in London. Given these austere times, I’m sure the Royal couple will be paying for her stay themselves and not adding further pressure to the nation’s purse. Aye, I bet…
And still nine, long, sickening, sycophantic months to go. Wake me up when September ends. Christ Almighty…
Harry Paterson
