I see you at the debate podium, eyes rolling, head shaking as you’re assaulted from all sides. I see you in your campaign ads, all personal digs against Trump, light on policy and lighter still on substance. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, was it? The Democrats were supposed to welcome you with open arms instead of passing you around like a gang of horny cats with a catnip flesh light. Elizabeth Warren’s not backing down, is she? What a strange feeling it must be for you, to be suddenly confronted with a woman you can’t throw lawyers and money at until she shuts up. This is what you bought and paid for, Mike Bloomberg – a one-way ticket to a mauling. There’s no message of aspiration in your rhetoric, no genuine hope for progress or change – just the thin hope that you’ll somehow limp over the line in just enough time to lose an election to your mirror image.
Principles and party affiliation mean little to a billionaire class who switch sides according to their electoral ambitions. Politics are a game to men like you and Trump, positions of power just another feather in the cap of your legacies, nothing more than territory to be claimed in the name of your empires. You’re a Democrat now but you weren’t when it suited you and you certainly have nothing to offer the race beyond a handy demonstration on how grotesque wealth is leveraged to win power and influence. “Vote for me, I have more money than Trump!” isn’t a winning argument. The voters that idolise wealth and power have already anointed him their king and the monarchy is too young a movement to start looking across the water already. Sorry Mike, but your enthusiastic support of stop and frisk just isn’t racist enough to win them over.
The sense of entitlement is overwhelming and the intention clear. You aren’t in the race to beat Trump – you’re there to stop whichever progressive candidate ends up on top. The lazy allusions to communism do nothing but enable an eventual Republican victory, turning the older voters who support you further away from Sanders and Warren, never to return should you drop out of the race. Just as the electorate started shifting towards to the suggestion that maybe America shouldn’t vote for an unprincipled and vainglorious racist misogynist with a stranglehold on biased media coverage and links to Jeffrey Epstein you pop up, shouting “hey, forget about him – I’m a a better vainglorious racist misogynist with a stronger stranglehold on biased media coverage and links to Jeffrey Epstein!”
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, Mike Bloomberg. You’re the turd in the litter box of the lucky dip, your poll numbers soaring as you throw money at the race, buying your way up on sheer power of recognition rather than any genuine policy momentum. Voting blue no matter who becomes less of an option when you’re trying your best to turn everything purpler than a mad king’s piss.
The ultimate folly of your boundless ambition is that you’ll end up helping the new Trumpire achieve everything you’re pretending to oppose. You have no hope of beating Trump at his own game, particularly now he’s been granted carte blanche to employ any dirty trick he likes by his acquittal in the Senate. No paper Democrat who crumbles under an onslaught of criticism has a hope in hell of weathering the storm he has prepared.
You’ll facilitate all of it, Mike Bloomberg, watching from your penthouse as the republic is torn to pieces in the name of owning the libs. You’ll sip your fifteen-dollar cappuccino and watch on a flatscreen TV the size of a house as he pardons corruption and rounds up his critics. You’ll watch the bubble of the economy swell, safe in the knowledge your investments are carefully arranged to fill your wallet the moment it pops.
You won’t give a shit, Mike Bloomberg, because you never did. It’s just a game, isn’t it? People like you always win, one way or another.
I see you, Mike Bloomberg. I fucking see you.
