I f**king love this. (Eddie Snide):
1. Dominic Cummings, one of the few men to have ever been found in contempt of Parliament, moved onto contempt for everyone and everything
2. When the story broke, and he was accused of doing things that look bad, he said he didn’t care how things looked.
3. Then ministers said press outrage meant nothing, only the opinion of the people mattered.
4. Then polls showed 52% of people wanted Cummings to resign.
5. Then Cummings decided to show the public some respect, by turning up 30 minutes late to make his explanation.
6. Then he began by saying he wasn’t speaking for the govt, which was obvious because he was in the Rose Garden of 10 Downing Street, a spot only used for Govt briefings.
7. Then the self-styled “enemy of the Islington media elite” said his wife, who works in the media, had been ill in their house in Islington so he left work at no10 and rushed home.
8. Then he found she was only a bit ill with probable coronavirus, so he went back to Downing Street for meetings with lots of vitally important people in the middle of a national crisis caused by coronavirus.
9.Then later at home that evening he started to worry what would happen if he got ill too, so then it was suddenly important to arrange childcare.
10. Then, without trying to arrange childcare he decided he couldn’t get childcare in London, even though 3 immediate relatives live within 3 miles of his London home.
11. Then because was worried he was carrying a virus that can cross a 2 metre distance and kill, he immediately locked himself in a car with his wife and child for 5 hours.
12. He then drove 264 miles without stopping in a Land Rover that gets maybe 25 MPG.
13. Then the scourge of the metropolitan elites made himself extra-relatable by describing his family’s sprawling country estate, multiple houses and idyllic woodlands.
14. Then he explained that he’d warned about a coronavirus years ago in his blog {except it was revealed he actually secretly amended old blogs after he’d returned from Durham}
15. Then he said he was too ill to move for a week
16. Then in the middle of that week, presumably with “wonky eyes”, he drove to a local hospital where his child had spent an overnight to collect his wife and child.
17. Then he said that to test his “wonky eyes” he put his wife and child in a car and drove 30 miles on public roads.
18. Then it was revealed his wife drives, so there was no reason for the “eye test”, cos she could have driven them back to London.
19. Then it was revealed the “eye test” trip to a local tourist spot took place on his wife’s birthday.
20. Then as cameras filmed he threw a cup onto the table, smirked and left.
21. And then it emerged his wife had written an article during the time in Durham, describing their experience of being in lockdown in London, which you’d definitely do if you weren’t hiding anything.
22. A govt scientific advisor said “more people will die” as a result of what Cummings had done.
23. Boris Johnson said he “wouldn’t mark Cummings ” down for what he’d done.
24. The Attorney General said it was ok to break the law if you were acting on instinct
25. The Health Minister said it was OK to endanger public health if you meant well
26. Johnson said Cummings’ “story rings true” because his own eyesight was fine before coronavirus, but now he needs glasses
27. But in an interview with The Telegraph 5 years ago, Johnson said he needed glasses cos he was “blind as a bat”
28. Michael Gove went on TV and said it was “wise” to drive 30 miles on public roads with your family in the car to test your eyesight.
29. The DVLA tweeted that you should never, ever do this.
30. Then ministers started claiming Cummings had to go to Durham because he feared crowds attacking his home while the streets were empty because we were observing lockdown.
31. And then a minister finally resigned.
32. Steve Baker, Richard Littlejohn, Isabel Oakeshott, Tim Montgomerie, Jan Moir, Ian Dale, Julia Hartley Brewer, 30 Tory MPs, half a dozen bishops and the actual Daily Mail said Cummings should go.
33. The govt suggested we can ignore them, because they’re all left-wingers.
34. Then a vicar asked Matt Hancock if other people who had been fined for doing exactly what Cummings did would get their fine dropped. Matt Hancock said he’d suggest it to the govt.
35. The govt said no within an hour. Cummings’ statement had lasted longer than that
36. Then a new poll found people who wanted Cummings sacked had risen from 52% to 57%
37. And in the middle of all this, in case we forget what’s really important – we reached 60,000 deaths. One of the highest per capita death rates worldwide.
38. And we still face Brexit under this lot.
39. And it’s 4 years until an election
40. And it’s still only effing Wednesday
Russ (from Cheshire)
