I remember being caught out with this old joke:
Joker: Venetian blinds could save your life.
Me: How do you figure that?
Joker: If it wasn’t for Venetian blinds, it could be curtains for everyone!
The problem I have this week isn’t the choice between Venetian blinds and curtains, it’s the choice between washing net curtains and not. Dorset seems to prefer leaving their net curtains until they are so covered in grease, grime and smoke that there’s a good chance they will walk off on their own.
Some readers won’t believe me but just look around the houses when you’re walking about town or stopped at traffic lights. The chances are you’ll see a fair amount of clean, well-groomed windows interspersed with too many net curtains, all of which are in need of a good soak. It must be depressing for the neighbours unless you happen to live in one of the many Dorset streets where every single house is sporting a set of nets.
Net curtains were big in the sixties and seventies and some that I’ve seen lately look as if they’ve been up since then. Others may be new but that still suggests two important questions:
1. Why would anyone buy net fucking curtains these days?
2. Why don’t they wash them?
God only knows what the rest of these homes, B&Bs and hotels are like in the inside if their windows are covered with white net curtains that have turned dark grey without the residents being aware of the transition.
I’ve heard all sorts of excuses to support the purchase of net curtains:
They’re cheap – but so is soap
They let more light into the room – only if you wash the fuckers
So why are they still sold in their millions? Because there are millions of naff people still alive and living in Dorset.
What about voiles? – You’ve not been listening, have you?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with nets – except they are fucking naff.
I wash my nets every two years, which is plenty – you must be the person who lives at the end of my street near the bus stop. Now how did I know that?
The Tea Maker
PS: You can comment on this story by emailing me at [email protected] and I’ll respond to your emails in next week’s column. We’ll never publish your email address.
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The Tea Maker
