A quite wonderful metaphorical approach to understanding sexual consent.
Let’s Talk About Consent: It’s Not As Awkward As You Think
Alright, let’s cut through the noise. You’ve probably heard the word “consent” thrown around in school assemblies, online, or maybe from a mate. It can sound like a legal buzzword, something dry and complicated. But here’s the truth: understanding consent isn’t about learning rules to not get in trouble. It’s about being someone who’s good in bed, respected by his partners, and confident in knowing that everyone involved is actually having a good time.
Think of it like this: you wouldn’t nick someone’s phone and then say, “Well, they didn’t say I couldn’t take it.” It’s the same with sexual activity. Silence or a lack of a “no” is not a “yes”. Consent is an active, enthusiastic YES.
The Golden Rule: Enthusiastic Consent
This is the core of it. You’re not looking for someone who just isn’t saying no. You’re looking for a partner who is clearly and happily into it.
Enthusiastic consent looks like:
- A clear, happy “Yes!” or “I want to.”
- They’re moving towards you, not away.
- They’re actively participating, not just lying there.
- They seem as engaged and excited as you are.
If you have to guess, if you have to convince them, or if you’re looking for loopholes – you haven’t got it. Full stop.
The “How-To” Guide: It’s a Conversation, Not a Contract
So, how do you actually do this without killing the mood? Simple. You communicate. It doesn’t have to be a formal interview. It can be natural, even sexy.
Instead of: “Do you hereby consent to sexual activity?”
Try something like:
- “Is this okay?”
- “Do you like that?”
- “What do you want to do?”
- “We can stop at any time; just let me know.”
Asking these questions isn’t weak; it’s confident. It shows you care about your partner’s experience as much as your own. That’s what being a good lover is all about.
When it’s a NO: Recognising the Red Flags
A “no” isn’t always a shouted word. It’s your job to be switched on enough to spot the signs that someone isn’t into it. If you see any of these, it’s time to stop and check in.
- Silence or freezing up: If they’re not responding or have gone still.
- Pushing you away: Physically creating distance.
- Turning their head away: Avoiding eye contact or kisses.
- Unenthusiastic responses: Mumbling “I guess” or “if you want to.”
- Going along with it but seeming upset or distant: Their body might be there, but their mind isn’t.
Crucially, if someone is drunk or out of it, they cannot consent. End of story. It doesn’t matter if they said yes earlier in the night. If they’re slurring their words, stumbling, or seem out of it, they are not in a state to make that decision. The only responsible thing to do is to make sure they’re safe and call it a night. Taking advantage of someone in that state isn’t just wrong; it could be illegal.
Myth-Busting: Time to Bin These Excuses
Let’s tackle some of the rubbish head-on:
- “But they were flirting with me all night!” Flirting is not consent. Agreeing to go back to yours is not consent. Consent is for each specific sexual act.
- “We’re in a relationship.” Being someone’s boyfriend doesn’t mean you have a permanent green light. Consent is needed every single time.
- “They led me on.” This is a pathetic excuse. Anyone can change their mind at any point, even if things have already started. If they say “stop,” you stop.
- “It would have been awkward to stop.” A moment of awkwardness is infinitely better than traumatising someone, being known as that guy, or facing serious legal consequences.
The Bottom Line: Why This is on You
This isn’t about being politically correct. It’s about being a decent bloke. It’s about respect.
When you get consent, you know you’re with someone who wants to be there with you. That makes sex better, more fun, and something you can both look back on without regret. It builds trust and shows real strength of character.
So, step up. Make the conversation a normal part of your love life. Be the guy who is known for being respectful, safe, and good in bed – because he actually cares about his partner.
It’s not complicated. Just make sure it’s a hell yes. Anything less is a no.
