Efforts to identify potential local problems with so called ‘Twitter Trolls’ were called off last night as it became evident that they weren’t bridge dwelling creatures with a goat fixation.
‘We’ve scaled this right down’ said torch and pitchfork-bearer-in-chief Dougie Samways. Obviously, as soon as we heard about these trolls, we thought we knew exactly where to go to flush the buggers out. But it turns out they’re not like the ones in those books I’ve been told about, they’re actual people. I’m going to sue Sky News under the trades descriptions act. And the Daily Mail’.
Glamorous 35 year old Londoner, Louise Mary, a spokesperson for The Internet Trolls Society said ‘my members may be a secretive bunch, but they are definitely human. Well, mostly’.
Robin Armstrong is fifty and bloody feels like it. He was born and educated in Dorchester, Dorset, when Hardye’s School was more akin to Hogwarts than the office block it is now. He subsequently got lost in London for 25 years before finally finding his way back to the rural idyll in 2010
He now lives in the middle of nowhere and spends his life working and driving miles to buy a pint of milk. Any remaining time is dedicated to being a treatment resistant smoker, wine lover and occasional comedy writer. He is also a nurse, father, husband and general know-all.
He has no further ambitions in life and is allergic to IKEA and chickpeas.
