It’s exhausting, sitting despondent and gloomy, in my pyjamas, staring at Facebook and Twitter, trying to understand what exactly it is people mean when they say they have got their country back. Most of what I see comes in the form of evidence of outrage as nearly everyone I interact with is on the losing side today. When people talk about the stages of grief, I think I am amongst many who are at the ‘clutching at straws’ phase. The ones that thinks ‘well, the referendum isn’t legally binding, so…’ or ‘if enough people sign that petition then maybe…’ or ‘perhaps there’ll be a massive popular uprising, a mass-demonstration, a joyful change of heart, and everyone will demand we try again, this time with a resounding vote for remain – Huzzah!’
All of these scenarios are problematic, as well as of course being highly unlikely and desperate. I watched a video of people in Barnsley saying why they had voted to leave. The answer was amongst other things, muslims and such. It is abhorrent to see distinctions being made about what type of foreigner is or isn’t acceptable, but it also showed a wider feeling that has to be grasped. It presumably, has to be understood.
It is, however, very hard to understand. Though I love the land and the people and the past that I come from, I’m not a nationalist or even patriotic. I don’t understand what other people mean when they say they are happy because they have got their country back. From what? Do they now feel they are closer to having a say in what form the eviscerations of Tory austerity will take? Are they now more likely to be treated with dignity by a government that, demonstrably, has nothing but contempt for the poor and the workers? Or is it nothing to do with parliament? And if not, what the hell is it to do with? Has the out vote triggered some kind of endorphin reaction to the red white and blue of the union flag? (If so, a word of warning – don’t get too high on the blue part, it’ll be gone soon.)
The only way I can come close to understanding it is in the feeling I have today. I don’t describe it the same way but I suspect it is the negative of the same phenomena. I feel sad because I have lost something. Not my country, but a feeling of being connected, a sense of being a part of a greater good, not the EU per se, (after all, there are issues aplenty there) but Europe. A feeling of at worst shame, at best deep regret that friendship, union, has been rejected. Is that the same kind of feeling that the teary-eyed older woman in the video was struggling with until yesterday’s vote liberated her from the tragedy of having lost her country? I have to suppose that it is.
I am going to France in a few weeks, to try out my rusty French, to enjoy the beauty of the land, to be in a different place. I know that possibility will of course remain whatever the negotiations of us leaving the EU bring about. But I am looking forward to it a little less because I am expecting to find something like contempt or at least dismay from the French people I meet. That’s the tragedy. It is very much easier to get something back, when you make it a less good thing. If your country is a place that no one wants any more, then it is much easier to keep it for yourself. Well done.
Lou Allison
