I spent Christmas in Chicago and Mitchigan and now have some questions for the American public.
1. Why do you heat your homes and cars to a million degrees? It’s stifling, I know it’s cold outside, but it just makes you ill if you have it that hot
2. Why is all your bread sweet?
3. What did cheese ever do to hurt you? Cheddar is not orange, blue cheese is meant to be blue, and all of it should have taste
4. Why don’t you use a kettle? Not everything should be done in the microwave, a cup of tea needs to be treated to boiling water from a kettle not a saucepan or the microwave
5. You have haribo, why have you not heard of tangfastic? The sour range are the best
6. Lager is lager not ale, it should not be hoppy or taste like an ipa
7. Why is everything so expensive? 40 for a litre of Jamesons? It’s not even a good whisky
8. Why are you so against cigarettes? Can’t buy them in supermarkets or almost anywhere, no delivery apps can supply them, but can bring me vodka?
9. What the hell do you do to your scrambled eggs? Is it cumin, or some other spice you add, it’s dreadful
10. How come your bacon looks so delicious before its cooked and then shatters into tiny daggers of pain when cooked?
11. What do you have against squash, its not just a vegetable, its a good way of making water taste nice. Its full of sugar I’d have thought you would have been all for it
12. Adverts? Literally every 5 minutes, and so long and boring
13. Why does the average Joe have to work so hard to make ends meet? I’ve met people working 60 hours a week and driving uber after, along with a partner who also doing the same and yet they still struggle
14. Tipping?? This should be for service above and beyond, not expected for anything. How about you pay them a liveable wage and then it’s patrons can reward them with a tip when they deserve it. Surely they deserve to be paid accordingly
15. Turning right on red? Red means stop surely?
16. Giant engines? So loud and yet literally no power. What’s going on there?
17. Internet, you have great speed, and yet you can’t stream Netflix or amazon prime without it falling over.
Please feel free to comment below with any helpful answers.
James MacArthur
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