Imagine a careers guidance representative in a Primary School.
CG. Hello. What’s your name?
Boy. Timothy
CG. Do you like school Tim?
Tim. It’s alright.
CG What are the best bits?
Tim. Playing with my friends in the playground.
CG. What about learning with your teacher?
Tim. Boring.
CG. Why?
Tim. Because she doesn’t want to play bundle bulldog in the playground.
CG. How will bundle bulldog help when you are older?
Tim. I will be able to defend myself against all the nonces.
CG What’s a nonce Tim?
Tim. A person who likes children.
CG. I like children am I a nonce?
Tim. Sounds like it yeah.
CG Well I just want to help you so that you have some skills and qualifications to get a job.
Tim. What job?
CG. Whatever job you like.
Tim. Can I be a doctor who helps children?
CG. If you work hard and go to university. You could become what we call a paediatrician. They are doctors who help children.
Tim. My dad says that they are all nonces. Why would I want to be a nonce?
CG. You are thinking of a paedophile.
Tim. What qualifications do I need to become one of those?
CG. Ummm. You don’t need any qualifications Tim.
Tim. So I can keep playing bundle bulldog in the playground and become a paedophile? Sweet. Thanks for your help Miss. I’ll tell my mum and dad and all my friends you are cool.
CG. Hang on Tim…
It is so easy for a child to get confused about words because they lack the knowledge and life experience and thus depend upon those older than them to educate. But when an adult thinks like this and passes it on to children? Something has gone very awry.
Over the last few weeks some well meaning people have gone a bit awry again around here. Well meaning but without the knowledge and information required to avoid going awry. They thus come across as ignorant, hateful and stupid. On other topics they are probably very well read with some very astute and useful contributions to be made. But when it comes to talking about downloading indecent images of children or sexual abuse they become hostile and dogmatic and frankly, well awry. Instead of attempting to collect the facts they jump in to the deep end without checking the water level. What is more they do not appear to understand those who don’t jump with them.
We are told knowledge is power. What use is power though if it is not used wisely? Imagine a person who spends every day of the summer sat near a children’s paddling pool. This person never appears to have children with them but sits and reads a book minding their own business. A few regulars start to talk about this person and eventually they conclude that this person must be treated with suspicion. Then rumours circulate that this person has something to hide and that they might be a potential sex offender. The rumours spread and other people start to seethe that this person might be looking at their child. At last someone approaches this person and confronts them with this pseudo anger. The person breaks down in tears and explains that the year before they had lost their only grandchild and that just being around children has helped them. But how do these people then reign in their prejudice and fear? They got it wrong big time. Do they apologise? Do they go out of their way to ensure that all those who believed the rumours are enlightened? Do they ensure that this person is made to feel comfortable and that their grief does not now lead to humiliation?
So quickly the filling in of the vacuum has lead these people somewhere else. Where reality has never resided. Fear and mistrust is destroying communities and their souls. A topic that Socrates devoted decades to 2500 years ago. When we feel angry as a result of ignorance and fear and hit out the soul most damaged is our own. The bitterness cramps us.
Sexual abuse is a terrible experience and must be challenged in every corner of society. But, and it is very big but, it has to be done to minimise damage. Those who are the victims are often also those who become perpetrators. Just like the bullies. Study after study reveals a direct link for most between victimhood and perpetration. For some abusers they can be in and out of therapy. They can be on strong medication. They hate themselves as much as some others hate them. For others their sexual needs have been met by looking at images or partially clothed young people. It has never gone beyond that and because of the constant battle they fight in themselves it never will.
Unless the whole community appreciates this and the nature of this behaviour and its causes the ignorant and the bullies will determine the direction. They will damage our souls and their own. Those who do not follow the herds and can stop and engage on a level that deals with reality must be at the vanguard. The alternative is a return to the stocks and burnings at the stake. As a society we have to stop believing much of the rubbish in the newspapers and start to confront our own fears. It is the running away that makes us dangerous. If you see something that worries you don’t rush to facebook. Contact the authorities. They will probably already have the information. If they don’t they will try and find it. If they fall short put pressure on them. Helping them help the community avoids a with hunt and might just save a child, their family and yourself.
My message may be blunt but it has to be said. Wake up and make a difference or shut up.
Douglas James
