This week is #DementiaActionWeek18 #DAW2018 I thought I would share my relationship with my mum who was stricken down by Dementia, almost 9 years ago. This post is called “Wake up Mum, why won’t you wake up?” It’s been almost 9 years since I first visited my mum and found her completely broken mentally. On one hand it seems so long ago but on another the time has passed so quickly.
After my last visit two weeks ago I was shocked at her mobility deterioration, it triggered an automatic reaction and before I knew it, I was crying. Even though it has been 9 years since Dementia stole my mum, I realised that I haven’t really come to terms with the loss. Perhaps, because I have visited often that my loss doesn’t seem real, I don’t know, all I know is that I became overwhelmed with a sense of grief and panic. It struck me that perhaps I have been waiting for my mum to wake up and start talking to me like she used to do. I know it sounds crazy and unreal. When I look at her I find myself trying to remember the last time we had a good conversation, and no matter how hard I try I can’t remember. I miss our talks. My mum had a hard life in a pit village, grew up during the war, but she was never bitter and she was always pushing her sons to make the best of opportunities. I find myself regretting that I should have spent more time with her. I know I will never get back the time, it’s silly but there you go. If anyone reading my gibberish, please don’t give up on your mother, father or loved one who is living with #Dementia.
It’s not what you or they would have wanted but you can still have some quality time with them and enjoy every precious moment. #Dementia is cruel, but love, kindness and humour can sometimes prove an antidote to what at times can be overwhelming and heart-breaking. I’m off up to see Mum over this Bank Holiday. I know it will upset me. But, I am always happy to see her and glad that I have visited. We may not be able to do all the things we used to do but even if it is simply sitting with her as she sleeps then I am glad that I am there for her. Lastly, to look after your loved one, you need to make sure you are well emotionally and mentally. That means making sure you look after yourself in whatever way that works for you.
Take care.
#DAW2018 #DementiaActionWeek18
John Burgess
