Why children who go to Eton shout a lot

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First thing I noticed when visiting the area was the frequency with which very deafening, low-flying aircraft disturbed the peace… every two or three minutes. The college is only seven miles from Heathrow.

This explains why the pupils grow up with very short attention spans, as well as being:

a) accustomed to shouting all day long;

b) unable to listen to anybody else;

c) generally ill-tempered;

d) very fond of the sound of their own voices.

The technique of using frequent loud noises to undermine the mental stability of inmates is, of course, also used at the well-known torture centre situated in Guantanamo Bay.

What is quite remarkable is how easily wealthy parents are persuaded to pay vast annual sums in order for such hardship to be inflicted upon their own children.

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