Prime Minister.
We have been told, as part of your conference activity, that you have committed to the abolition of youth unemployment. Now: you and we know that that is a complete impossibility, and I think that you know that we know that your Work and Pensions Secretary will have a whale of a time lying about the youth unemployment figures, just as he’s lied about pretty much every other statistic relating to his Department since he took it over. Your limit of six months for young people to be able to receive benefits will mean that, once they are written off the benefits roster, they will be deemed to be employed. I used the words “written off” very deliberately there because that, Prime Minister, is what they will be. Left politically invisible, they will end up sleeping rough on the streets and, thanks to that situation, may well end up dependent upon drugs or alcohol and contributing to an increase in street and other acquisitive crime. The number of homeless people has increased by 75% since 2010, Prime Minister. You cannot blame that on the previous government.
On the subject of young people, I also note that you’re offering to knock 20% of the price of a house for first time buyers below a certain age. Apart from the fact that age-ism is supposed to be a no-no in our politically equal society, I find it hard to understand how you intend to build up to 100,000 so-called “affordable” homes that these youngsters can buy, only to then find they won’t be able to insure them against damage (most probably subsidence) caused by fracking underneath their foundations. Will they be able to walk away from the mortgages when their discounted homes fall down around their ears? Those who can even obtain a mortgage, that is. We can exclude all those on Workfare, zero-hours contracts and shoved into low-paid jobs for a start.
Still on the young people theme, there was that Brooks Newmark. How the man gets his kinky kicks is one of the downsides of the modern communication equipment available to all, but there is the niggly-naggly concern that he chose to expose himself to someone he thought was a party intern. One of those up and coming youngsters who daren’t speak out against that kind of abuse because it could queer their chances of getting very far up the Party ladder. This really was quite a Karmic experience for Mr Newmark, wasn’t it? Having told all those charities to go back to their knitting, he then elects to flash his own needle to someone who turns out to be an undercover reporter and completely blows his chances of remaining a Minister. And now his Missus and kids know what a slimy pervert the Old Man is. I predict some extra frosting on the breakfast cornflakes in his house for the foreseeable future.
And still on the subject of young’uns: When are we going to see some actual exposure and arrests etc of the paedophiles known to be lurking among the Wasteminster rank and file? And among the judiuciary and police forces whose answer to whistleblowing on the issue is to lock up an innocent woman who was, herself, a victim of child sexual abuse – Melanie Shaw – in a high-security prison at Peterborough, denying her prescribed and necessary medicines, without any evidence whatsoever being presented against her? Isn’t it a bit early in the Neoliberal Plan to begin the gulag treatment? Perhaps you might like to ask Nottinghamshire Police what they’re doing, advancing the agenda on their own initiative, and why, as well as who it is that they are trying so desperately to keep hidden in the shadows…?
Moving on, I see that Grant Twonames has stuck his tuppenceworth in over the Reckless defection. From the report that I read earlier this morning: “At the conference’s opening speech, party chairperson Grant Shapps said that Reckless had “lied and lied and lied again” before jumping ship, and had betrayed the entire Conservative Party.” Well, all I can say about the supposed lies is that the man has had excellent teachers in the form of his senior colleagues, and he’s only done what your anachronistic ideology has taught him to do, which is look out for Number One and sod everyone else. His Parliamentary Seat has become more unstable than the Japanese landscape since UKIP blasted onto the scene in the last round of local elections and he’s just making sure that he’ll get to keep his place at the Wasteminster trough, that’s all.
Just out of curiosity: this further cap on benefits that you’re proposing in order to pay for three million new apprenticeships with no real jobs at the end of them…. How’s that going to work now that you’ve committed the nation – without our permission, I might add and certainly #Notinmyname – to another three plus years of new radical generation in the Middle East? The cost estimate of £3bn will just about cover the first year only, so where is the money coming from to pay for the rest? Planning to cause the untimely deaths of a few thousand more sick and disabled people are you, so you can claw back on the ESA and DLA? We’re at an estimated (by extrapolation of known welfare reform data until your W&P Secretary lost his bottle and started hiding it under his mattress) 43,000 already and the UN’s already getting itself quite exercised over that number, I gather. I suppose if you’re going to adopt the “in for a penny” approach, you might as well send Duncan Smith over to the current archaeological excavation at Sobibor in Poland. He can get a proper idea of the correct size for a gas chamber from there, and add the information to what he learned about extermination techniques at Auschwitz in 2009. You know what they say: “If a job’s worth doing…”
Enjoy your conference beer, Prime Minister. One can only hope it’s more mature than the person who dreamed up the silly labels on it.
Sincerely,
Darren Lynch
