Down where I come from on the sunny south coast,

Live a bunch of inbreds who often like to boast,

About how English the English people are,

Claiming we’ve fought off invaders near and far,

They claim the monarchy is the very epitome of style and class,

When underneath most of us know in fact its a total bloody farce,

The Saxons started the ball rolling, the Danish Kings of old,

Back when those impassable rulers simply cast us into the cold,

The Normans claimed the lands from France in Ten Sixty-six,

Bringing four centuries of rule from Plantaganent pricks,

Those early Henry’s, Edward’s and of course bad King John,

They learned the language and made a parliament like they belonged,

The War of the Roses brought about decades of fighting over power,

Until some early psychos locked those young princes in the tower,

Henry Tudor ended that war and his family Anglicized the crown,

But they’d hailed from Wales, Owen Ap Meredith frowned,

While the virgin Queen won power and glory, defeating the Armada,

Yet childless she stayed, letting the Scots into the Royal drama,

Charlie Stuart got all possessed with the notion of divine, absolute rule,

The Roundheads revolted, had a war, a trial and executed him a fool,

The Puritans proved to be even worse and we rallied for restoration,

But the returning Stuarts were calling for Catholic resurrection,

So the protestant orange Dutch we turned to, a glorious revolution,

Allowing the German Hanoverian line to ascend in absolution,

Which brings us to the present day and the so-called regal Windsors,

A most inbred bunch of perverts, corrupt, nepotistic, they still lead us.

James Robert Askew

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