Boris Johnson bans himself from football grounds

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Following Boris Johnson’s pronouncement that racist hate on social media will lead to banishment from football grounds he has now turned himself in with at least some of the incriminating evidence. As from this moment if anyone sees a person with blonde hair, the look of someone who has lost count of how many children he has and a resemblance to someone who has eaten all the pies please report them.

Swiftly followed by:

Penny Lane

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