Canadian Breeding Programme

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The Tea Maker


I was in Canada recently. What a place that is. It’s about 5 million times the size of Britain with only half the people. Britain has 60+ million people and Canada, which is about as big as a country could get, has less than 30 million. It’s fucken empty.

So of course, this got me thinking and I reckoned that someone could make a fortune if they would just set up a Canadian Breeding Programme. You know the sort of thing; show them how to increase their population in 9 months flat. Show them what reproduction is all about. Teach them how to have a good time and, as a result, create thousands of little lumberjacks.

My theory about Canadians and their low population problems, which probably applies equally to some parts of the USA, is linked to fucken rodeos, where all the guys climb aboard a wild horse or a giant crazy bull, and hang on with one hand for 10 seconds. They get bounced all over the place, then they get thrown off and stomped on by 25 tons of angry meat with hooves.

Can you imagine the damage they must be doing to their fucken testicles when they sit on top of a killer bull with nothing between them and a raging monster except their reproductive organs? What kind of sport is that? And you wonder why places like Canada are empty. I couldn’t even think about sex after ten seconds on a bloody mountain bike, let alone a giant bull with a piss awful attitude that’s out to kill me.

Goodbye rodeos – hello family planning. That’s the answer.

The Tea Maker

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