The police and armed forces were placed on alert today as it was announced that MumsNet would be unavailable for some hours because of essential maintenance work.
A spokesman said ‘in a time of crisis like this I ask that everyone stay calm. Clearly there will be difficulties, but if we all work together, we will get through it’.
‘To the men of Dorset I offer the following advice’ he continued. ‘Clearly, there will be women in a state of extreme anxiety, with no place to vent their thoughts and with time on their hands. On a Saturday, god help us. Please find jobs to do around the house, google recipes for apple cake and share them, walk the dog, whatever it takes. Just for pity’s sake keep your heads down and just agree with anything you are asked about. No matter how bizarre or extreme’.
A spokeswoman for MumsNet confirmed that the site would be unavailable for some time, but hoped for normal service later today, ‘once the bandwidth problems caused by sexual conversations about Paul Hollywood has been cleared’.
Robin Armstrong is fifty and bloody feels like it. He was born and educated in Dorchester, Dorset, when Hardye’s School was more akin to Hogwarts than the office block it is now. He subsequently got lost in London for 25 years before finally finding his way back to the rural idyll in 2010
He now lives in the middle of nowhere and spends his life working and driving miles to buy a pint of milk. Any remaining time is dedicated to being a treatment resistant smoker, wine lover and occasional comedy writer. He is also a nurse, father, husband and general know-all.
He has no further ambitions in life and is allergic to IKEA and chickpeas.
