Hello all, here I am again and good gracious, have I been a busy boy. I seem to spend all my time telling you all how wonderful I am on the Dorset Eye website.
You know, it is staggering to know just how many people out there in Dorset actually know who I am, at the last count it was two and even fewer seem to care. No worries, I will battle on to make an impression on somebody, anybody in fact. I do need to justify my big fat salary, pension and perks.
So what have I been doing with myself apart from polishing Debbie’s braid and buttons?
Well, I’m in touch with Damien Green, remember him? My boss, yes, the one arrested for malfeasance in public office a few years ago. Damien is a nice guy really, just misunderstood, a bit like Ronnie and Reggie Kray. I am now an acknowledged expert on Mental Health too, so next time you visit one of my Police Stations, if it is open, you may find yourself being questioned about your possible unstable mind. We aim to section everyone we can under the Fixated Threat Assessment Scheme. Got to keep Teresa May happy. Also my Victims Forum in Dorchester is thriving, how many hundreds can I squeeze in to that small room?
Some of my troops need to get tougher so I sent them up to Greater Manchester, Barton Moss to see just how Thugs Are Us, sorry, the Tactical Assault Unit, deal with peaceful protecters against Fracking. Lots to learn there, bullying, assault, unlawful arrests, violence, all the things we soon expect in Dorset when the Fracking Crews start to drill. We will soon sort you lot out if you complain against Government policy, after all, we are the private army of Corporate Interests. That’s another reason why I would like to see sponsorship, to see just who we are really working for.
Also I want to put my boys in to your schools to, one plod for every school, can’t have violent games like conkers can we?
Sorry it is a short blog today, a very small one but fear not good citizens, your ‘independent’ PCC is looking after your best interests. I don’t do political agendas, honest, I just help to implement them, without you realising it.
By the way, when the Police are privatised you can expect to see me and Debs in G4S or Serco uniforms and very smart they are too, extra pockets for Tasers, Stun Guns and Cameras. Need your garden watering?, no problems the Water Cannons are on order.
Cheers for now,
Martyn Overhill
