Everyone knows growing up is tough and unfortunately for some growing up is tougher than it is for others. Through my teenage years I found it incredibly difficult to survive in the education system, due to the social grouping that people placed themselves in. I spent many of those years asking myself… What do I like?… Where do I belong? Pretty much the general question of who am I? Like many people probably did when growing up and still do. However, it resulted in me becoming very anxious. It affected me in many ways but mainly in a way that it made it hard for me to interact with other people. Finding self-confidence is a hard thing to do when every day you put yourself down! When you over think every word that comes out of your mouth! That you eventually get to a stage where it becomes easier to say nothing. Where all you worry about is the perception of you through the eyes of others. Including your weight and your overall appearance.
These aspects caused me to become demotivated in class, I had teachers pulling me a side which began to become frustrating, which as you can imagine only resulted in more pressure and stress. This became a tough battle for me and between the ages of 15-17 led me to attempt to take my life on at least 4 different occasions. I remember the last time so vividly, well the aftermath anyway. I remember sat in the corner of my room crying with anger and frustration at myself. Not only because I failed to follow through with it again but because this thought kept haunting me in the back of my mind and to some extent still does to this day, but only on a smaller scale. However, unlike then I consider myself lucky because on each occasion I somehow chose life and from the experiences of the last 5 years I know I made the right choice.
Looking back on it 5 years on, I understand how I handled the situation wrong but also what I did right. My biggest mistake was I was terrified to tell my parents; I believe that was down to the thought process of…..
“how on earth do you confess to the people who gave you life that you have attempted to give it all up”
I now understand that was the wrong way to approach it because when I eventually told my parents and my older sister, not only could I see the pain in their faces but more importantly I could see the love they expressed. It also did not help that I refused to tell my girlfriend at the time due to other factors that were going on in our lives. I also found this was incredibly stupid because when I eventually did open up I acknowledged that I had another strong support system that was there for me.
Reflecting on what I did right and the sole reason I believe I am still here today being that I told my closest friend. I remember confessing after my first attempt to the one person I felt comfortable of experiencing no backlash from. Fear was probably the most overwhelming emotion at the time, probably similar to how I feel about writing this, but the fact he sat there and treated me no different to how he did 5 minutes before released a big weight off my shoulders. I knew I had someone who would look out for me. That was the all-important difference. For those struggling to deal with anything no matter how big or small I recommend doing the same thing.
However, it is just important that those who are not going through this also take on board what could be going on through somebody else’s mind because, from personal experiences I told a group of friends and their response was to make it into a joke. Luckily I had already managed to get myself into a place where I would never consider attempting to take my life again. But the repercussions of their actions did mean that anxiety trust and self-confidence was again a key problem for me until recently. I hold no blame on those people though, from a young age we were never told how to handle these situations, how to support our friends but most importantly there was never enough education to take on board what going on in somebody else’s mind.
My biggest enemy has always been myself. The amount of times I argue with myself, or I put myself down. Your own mind is a hard battle but it is a battle that you can and will win, and once you have realised that you will be able to battle anything. I know it is difficult but try and focus on controlling your thoughts. Things that worked for me are meditation, exercise, reading and music. Focus on something that inspires you or even look at travelling. The best advice I would give to anyone going through this is talk to someone! Believe in yourself. Give yourself 20 minutes a day to remind yourself that you are beautiful, that you are strong and that no matter how hard life is atm, it will always get better. This is a quote I always find that helps.
“sometimes I get so caught up in what’s happening now that I forget how much life is left, how much of the world I haven’t seen, and all the experiences that are yet to come. Just because something happens that makes you feel the whole world is ending, that nothing is worth anything anymore, remember that it is only temporary.”
If my post inspired you to speak out then please do. It is so important to get people to understand they are not the only ones facing these issues.
Josh Jenkins and myself have set up a ‘speak out’ page which we hope encourages people to speak out about any problems.
1. To share your story, to inspire others. These can be posted anonymously through myself or Josh.
2. To message/email one of us to discuss any problems.
3. To even just tell us how your day has gone, whether it was a good or bad day.
4. Or any other ways you have.
Whether this works or not we don’t know, but i guess, if you don’t try you wont know.
Give us a like to show support, maybe share to spread the awareness further.
Thanks. Share the Love 
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https://m.facebook.com/Speakoutaboutmentalhealth/
I recommend also reading this article that Josh has recently wrote.
https://dorseteye.com/…/a-friend-in-me-a-topic-on-suicid…
#mentalhealthawarenessweek #suicideawareness #speakout
