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Sunday, November 3, 2024

The MP for South Dorset

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I’m Richard Grosvenor Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax
You’ll see me around in my blazer and slacks
I live on an estate with grouse and pheasants
And three miles of wall to keep out the peasants

I’ve kept things from you, my constituents: ‘ma bitches’
I didn’t want you to know the extent of my riches
It takes some conniving and it takes plenty of skill
To hide that I’m worth a-hundred-and-fifty mill

I didn’t want you to know the true amounts
So I failed to submit my company accounts
Not one but four companies were selected
And for eleven years; ever since I was elected

For forgetfulness I have quite a flair
Six-twenty-one acres I ‘forgot’ to declare
Drax Hall, Barbados: our former slave plantation
And it’s cost you three million including inflation

And in case you woke up and came with pitchforks
I forgot land and property in Dorset and Yorks
But before you get angry or even erupt
“It’s my accountant’s fault; I’m not corrupt”

They say I broke the law, but they’ll never enforce it
It’s another rule for those who own half of Dorset
And that is how it’s come to pass
That noblesse oblige can kiss my arse

Tom Lane

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