The pub owner’s dilemma

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The Tea Maker


News is that there’s a new under-age drink law coming into force. Pub owners will lose their licence if they’re caught selling booze to under-age drinkers three times in three months. I can’t see what all the fuss about?

Well, for starters, the pub owners are saying that it’s unfair. They’re asking, “What happens if I go to the loo and one of my inexperienced staff serves a 12-year-old a double voddy?” They’re even saying that it’s not going to be safe for them to take holidays in case the same thing happens. What a load of tosh.

All they have to do to protect themselves is follow this very simple 2-point plan I’ve devised.

ONE: If you’re going on holiday, close the pub until you get back. Do the same thing if you have to go for a pee. Yes, even if it’s busy. You either lose your income when you take a two week break in Spain or you lose it for good. It’s an easy fucken choice to make.

TWO: Employ staff who can tell the difference between a 12-year-old school kid and a 30-year-old, vodka-swilling, bearded drunk. If the problem lies in distinguishing between a 17-year-old and an 18-year-old, just ban everyone who doesn’t look like 40-something. This will keep your licence safe – plus it’ll stop noisy teens from annoying the real fucken boozers.

 The Tea Maker

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