Recently, in a large city in France, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It read, “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”?

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman pictured on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym. She had a whale of a lot to say:

“To Whom It May Concern,

Whales are always surrounded by friends—dolphins, sea lions, and curious humans. They have an active sex life, get pregnant, and have adorable baby whales. They enjoy stuffing themselves with shrimp, playing and swimming in the sea, and visiting wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea, and the coral reefs of Polynesia.

Whales are wonderful singers, and they have even been recorded. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of psychoanalysts due to their identity crisis. Fish or humans would prove quite a quandary for even the most skilled of therapists.

They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them; not to mention, how could they have sex? Just look at them. Where is IT? Therefore, they don’t have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

P.S. We are in an age when the media attempts to convince us that only skinny people are beautiful. I prefer to enjoy ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and good chocolate with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it spreads out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy; we are enormously cultured, educated, and happy.

The Wise Woman

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