Last year, a neighbour came at me with a 2×4 plank of wood, so a friend passed me a gun, and I shot the attacker, his wife, and his kids dead. I told the police it was in self-defense, but they arrested me anyway on the grounds of unreasonable force on the attacker, and murder of his wife and kids. I’m going to plead not guilty.

My reason for my plea is this, sure enough, i could have run away, but he might come back another day and do it again. As for killing his wife and kids? Well, they saw me kill the attacker and might want revenge. There is some history between me and this guy that will come out during the trial that you should know about.

Two years ago, I decided to build a summer house and pool in my backyard, but the plans meant taking 10 feet of his garden, which, to be fair, was overgrown and of no practical use to him anyway. We went to court, and they didn’t find me guilty of anything, so I built what I wanted.

He didn’t like the way the court dealt with his complaint and started throwing stones at the summer house and pool. I decided to build a higher fence to make it harder, which enraged him even more. A week before he attacked me, I put forward a plan to double the size of my garage to the council so my wife’s car could be safe from him.

If you were on the jury, would you find me guilty or not guilty?

While you are contemplating:

If you found me guilty, you must also find Israel guilty. If you found me innocent, then I thank you, but you may need to be sectioned.

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