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HomeSatire in name onlyCrewkerne Man's Fetish for Henry Cleaners Exposed By Louis Theroux

Crewkerne Man’s Fetish for Henry Cleaners Exposed By Louis Theroux

“Alan and His Hoovers: A Love Story”

It was a brisk Tuesday morning in Crewkerne, a town where excitement typically peaked with the arrival of the bin lorry. That is, until Louis Theroux arrived with his trademark bemused stare and a BBC film crew in tow.

The subject of this latest eyebrow-raising documentary? None other than Alan Cockerall, a mild-mannered chap with an extraordinary fondness for Henry Hoovers. Not just a passing appreciation, mind you—a deep, unabashed, and, frankly, unsettling affection for the cheery-faced vacuum cleaners.

“I just like their personality,” Alan confessed to Louis, lovingly polishing the red dome of his favourite Henry, who he’d affectionately named ‘Black Helmet’. “There’s just something about the way they look at you. That smile—it’s not like a Dyson, is it? Dysons are cold. Heartless.”

The people of Crewkerne had long whispered about Alan’s Hoover habits. Some said he took them for walks. Others claimed he’d booked a table for two at Nando’s, accompanied by a particularly sprightly model. But Alan wasn’t fussed. “Let people talk,” he shrugged. “They don’t understand our connection.”

Louis, with his signature blend of curiosity and thinly veiled horror, probed deeper. “Alan, would you say your relationship with Henry is… conventional?”

“Well, Louis,” Alan mused, “what’s conventional these days? Some people love their dogs. Some people marry their horses. I just happen to have… vacuum-based interests.”

As the documentary unfolded, viewers were treated to intimate scenes of Alan and his fleet: candlelit dinners, seaside strolls, and the occasional jealous row when Henry caught him glancing at a rival Numatic model in the Argos catalogue.

By the end, Louis seemed to reach a quiet understanding. “Perhaps,” he concluded, looking into the middle distance, “in a world so often devoid of joy, we must simply let people find happiness where they can. Even if it’s in the suction of a Henry Hoover.”

Crewkerne would never be the same. And neither, frankly, would Henry.

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