I…just…what ju..??? Say..WHUUUUUUT??? Um, buuuuh….????
I’m sorry. Perhaps I misheard you because I SWEAR you just told me that YOU WERE FUCKING RESIGNING FARAGE????
I’m struggling to find the words people…I have a massive red lump on my forehead right about now from the BIGGEST DOUBLE FACE PALM I’ve EVER dished out to myself…
Every day I’ve woken up since the referendum and every day I feel like I’ve slipped one rung down Jacobs ladder. One step closer to losing my fucking sanity.
If I were to enter a marble competition, I wouldn’t even get past the first round because I have clearly LOST ALL OF MINE or this world has finally slipped over the edge into the void of un-fucking-believable stupidity?!?!?!?!?!?
I’m one political headline away from sticking two pencils up my nostrils and uttering the word “fwibble” a la Blackadder when he realises all is lost and the only way to avoid going over the top is to feign insanity.
I can feel this warmth leaving my body, like my soul is leaving me, almost as if I’m on my death bed and I can see death beckoning me to cross over the river to the other side.
I know this feeling…I’ve been here before…It’s HOPE fading…leaving me. Abandoning me like the two spunk bubbles that led us down this merry path have just done.
I feel like Eve after she just took a bite of that big juicy apple of knowledge. Farage being the snake…
Snake/Farage: Go on Eve, take a great big juicy bite on that apple (leave the EU), it will give you magical powers and get rid of all those pesky immigrants. Trussssssssssst me…
Eve/The Public: D’uh, ok
God/Experts/Rational sane logical people: OI!!!! What the FUCK do you think you’re doing eating that apple (leaving the EU) Eve? I CLEARLY told (advised you on what would happen if we left the UK) you not too!!!
Eve/The Public: Yeah but da talkin snake (Farage, The Sun/Mail and Johnson) dun told me ter eat da apple (vote out of the EU) so I did…
Snake/Farage/Johnson/Cameron:…Righto, I’m outta here…
Eve/The Public: But you said eat da apple snake?
Snake/Farage: No…no I didn’t. Don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway. I’m off…
God/Experts/Rational people: Right Eve, (YOU/US) you’re fucked…
Eve/The Public: But da snake told me too so I did…
God/Experts/Rational people: Well you’re a fucking idiot then aren’t you? Who the FUCK listens to talking snakes anyway? Are you fucking STUPID Eve???
I’m not even going to punish that cunt for what he did. I’m going to punish YOU for being so fucking gullible and fucking stupid…
Eve/The Public: D’uh. Ok den…Can I blame Corbyn now???
God/The entire Labour Party/The Tories/The Public/Tony Blair: YES!
This is LITERALLY what’s just happened people…Let me try another way…
If I opened a shop and had a notice in the window saying “You give me ten pounds, I’ll give you this Porsche”…You would do that wouldn’t you?
If I took your money, then shut up the shop and resigned as shop owner WHILE YOU WERE SAT RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF ME and said “I did NOT say that I would sell you this porsche for a tenner.
No, no, no” DESPITE THERE BEING A FUCKING GREAT BIG SIGN (350 million a week for the NHS) IN THE SHOP WINDOW SAYING EXACTLY THAT, you would either punch my fucking lights out, smash up the shop or at the very least call the police.
Nope. Not us. We let Farage take our tenner, tell us to go fuck ourselves and that he’d lied about everything AND NOW HE GETS TO FUCKING WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET
WITH HIS MATE BIMBLE, SLAPPING EACH OTHER ON THE BACK CONGRATULATING EACH OTHER ON A GREAT JOB WELL DONE…
I am APOPLEPTIC with RAGE and sheer disbelief…
I am BESIDE my-FUCKING-SELF. If you were to walk into this room right now you would see FUCKING TWO OF ME. ME, AND MYSELF…BESIDE MY FUCKING SELF, SAT IN UTTER INCREDULITY AT THE SITUATION WE ARE NOW IN…
I…just…buuuh???
It’s like here we all are, the UK’ers, US, making a lovely cake together and enjoying working as one to make something nice and along comes Nigel and convinces half of us that the cake would be much nicer if you took a massive shit in it and laced it with Ricin at which point, half of us drop pants and drop the kids off into the cake mix and THEN, when we all go to eat the cake, everyone’s is puking and picking out bits of shit from their teeth crying “Why did we listen to Nigel??? Now our cake tastes of shit and he isn’t even eating any?” and to TOP IT ALL OFF Nigel walks past eating a lovely NON SHIT BASED APPLE PIE laughing at us eating our own shitty cake and saying “hahaha, WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU EATING A CAKE MADE OF SHIT???”
“B..B…but, you TOLD us it would taste nicer Nigel…???”
“No, no I didn’t. You’re all fucking idiots. I’m off to eat my lovely cake somewhere else and LAUGH at you all…a LOT. You unbelievably daft twats…Cheerio…”
I mean, that LITERALLY just happened…As before, there…are…NO words…
TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ARE MARCHING ON THE CAPITAL because THANKFULLY, not everyone in this country has scabs on their knuckles from dragging their fucking fists along the floor.
The Brexiters are all chanting and banging on about how the remainers are just bitter and twisted that the Brexiters won and the remainers didn’t. Like childish, well, children boasting about how their class won the egg and spoon race and your class didn’t…Ner ner nee ner ner…
TOO fucking STUPID to realise that they’ve been had or too fucking embarrassed to admit it, they resort to calling those who think the referendum was a farce (I’ll come to that in a moment – it clearly was) “sore losers” etc.
Now, if I may.
We all lost that fateful day. Those that wanted to remain for obvious reasons and those that voted out because they know not of the shit storm May/Emperor Palpatine has in store for them.
“You can’t call for another referendum, it’s undemocratic you sore losers” they cry.
Well, you can to be fair and for many, many reasons…
Firstly. It is ILLEGAL for me to stand at a polling station and attempt to sway voters by telling them to vote one way or another. ILLEGAL.
Yet the SUN and the MAIL and BIMBLE and FARAGE can OUT AND OUT FUCKING LIE, DRIVE ROUND A COUNTRY WITH A MASSIVE LIE ON A BUS AND SWAY MILLIONS OF VOTERS…but ILLEGAL for one person to attempt to sway votes at a polling station…Seems legit.
You can’t sway votes unless you’re going to do it on an industrial scale and use out and out lies to do so and ONCE victory is yours, you can retract all the lies and the people won’t call for your heads to be on spikes…oh no…THEY’LL CLAIM IT AS A GREAT DAY FOR DEMOCRACY AND THINK EVERYONE IS A SORE LOSER BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T FALL FOR THE LIES????
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST…JUST..B’UUUHHH?????
Secondly, to suggest that this is the decision and NOTHING can be done to change it is equally ludicrous.
Jeremy Hunt tried to fuck the doctors over. They didn’t agree with it and got it changed by standing up to this scumbag and guess what? It worked.
To stand there and say..”Democracy. It’s a decision and we all have to live with it because…democracy above all else…including sense”
You. Fucking. Idiots…
For fear of invoking Godwins law…Hitler. HITLER FOR FUCKS SAKE…
If Hitler was in an election now, what you are saying iiiiis…
“Well, he may be a racist murdering tyrant but we should respect his victory because…democracy…”
“We voted for him therefore we can’t complain when he goes round murdering millions of Jews. Nope. That would be undemocratic”
In fact, it was probably people JUST LIKE THAT who ACTUALLY HELPED THAT CUNT GET INTO POWER. The non doers. The accepters of their masters bidding, no matter what the bidding is.
The gullible ones who Hitler could see were bereft of brain cells and very easily fooled.
“Nope, we’re not going to change anything at all. The people have spoken. Sorry Jews, you proper shat out on that one but democracy is democracy, can’t change it now…”
Come on people, you can see this makes no sense.
Almost like when the guns right activists in America say you can’t change our second amendment. Nope, that’s the constituion and we have the right to murder kids with guns…
Only, you can change the constituion as pointed out by a very astute Australian comedian who did a brilliant rant about guns in the USA and from where I am stealing this story…
You CAN change the 2nd Amendment because…
IT’S CALLED A FUCKING AMENDMENT…MEANING IT HAS ALREADY BEEN CHANGED AND THEREFORE IS NOT WRITTEN IN STONE NEVER TO BE ALTERED IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM…EVER…
Even choir boy molesting priests can change the word of GOD!!! We have female Bishops and Homosexual priests????
If The Pope can advocate the use of condoms and literally go against the WORD OF GOD then YES, RULES CAN BE FUCKING CHANGED PEOPLE…
IT IS STILL LEGAL TO SHOOT AN ARROW AT A WELSHMAN IF HE CROSSES THE SEVERN INTO ENGLAND BY BOAT AS IT IS SEEN AS AN INVASION…Nah, let’s not change old rules as they are so logical and well thought out. Let’s never change any rules on how the country is run because shooting Welshmen in boats is fucking HILARIOUS!!!
I’m going to finish up here with a little bit about Blair before my head actually explodes, which, according to the papers will be on Wednesday as today, many are claiming that Blair will NOT stand trial at the Hague but the soldiers he duped into fighting an illegal war based on lies (CAN YOU NOT SEE THE PATTERN HERE PEOPLE???) WILL…
AGAIN, the powers that be LIED. People fell for it and the masters get to jump ship and blame the people…
As much as I can’t wait to see the report and watch that brown stain of a man squirm like a maggot on a fishing hook, I can’t help but think that he’s going to walk away from it all unscathed.
How you can justify falsifying reports (or as we call it, out and out lying) about Saddam’s readiness to attack us in under 45 minutes with non existent WMD’s and lead thousands of our and American soldiers to their deaths and close to, if not OVER a million Iraqi’s, and expect to walk away with it is beyond me but hey, we live in THIS world. We made it.
Not only did this cunthole destabalise the entire middle east and murder over a million middle easterners…HE’S A FUCKING MIDDLE EASTERN PEACE ENVOY….???????
We made this shit stained, piss stinking, rat infested bed and now we’re going to have to lie in it because most of us think un-democratic lying is DEMOCRATIC and we should accept our rancid mattress rather than demand a new one…because democracy…
This world where we can be lied to in order to get us to vote one way, then be told to our faces that we were lied to, then watch helplessly…no, not helplessly, WILLFULLY – VACANTLY, as those who lied to us get to resign and walk away from the mess they created while we deal with the fallout…
This world where the people who live on it get fucked on a daily basis and not only lack the testicular fortitude to stand up to those doing the fucking but in actual fact ask those who are fucking us to FUCK US HARDER AND MAYBE SLIP IN A FINGER OR TWO AS WELL AND DON’T WORRY ABOUT LUBING UP EITHER…
This world where those who, having fucked us now get to turn around and blame CORBYN for THEM fucking US and AGAIN…we just bend over and take it…
Well people, my arse is SORE. It’s had enough. I can barely sit down due to the pounding it has taken over the past ten days…
I wish I could end on a positive note but..I just can’t.
As a country and with all the insane things happening right now and how we lap it up time after time after time…I just…can’t…
As a country, we aren’t a sandwich short of a picnic…There IS no picnic. There isn’t even a chequered blanket for us to NOT eat the picnic on…
It’s not a case of the lights being on but nobody home…There aren’t any lights. The light bulb hasn’t even been invented over here. We still eat by fucking OIL lamps intellectually, compared to the rest of the world..
As a country, we make Trump look like a chess Grand Wizard.
We’re the country that who genuinely believes the word gullible doesn’t appear in the dictionary.
Bereft Britain. Bereft of common sense and the ability to right wrongs and not only fail to correct mistakes but genuinely defend our right to make them and stick to them even if it means a sore arse for us all…because…democracy…
Toby Kilburn
