5.6 C
Dorset
Saturday, February 15, 2025
HomeDorset NorthDorset County Hospital management denies Ebola concerns from bunker fifty feet below...

Dorset County Hospital management denies Ebola concerns from bunker fifty feet below ground

Rumours that the Ebola virus has a foothold in Dorset have been strongly rebuffed by experts at the County Hospital in Dorchester. Speaking from a hermetically sealed bunker, buried in concrete below Maiden Castle, Doris Jones, the hospital’s Infection Control and Not Bleeding From the Gums specialist, issued a recorded statement. Transcript as follows:

 ‘Hello. Can you hear me? I’m sorry, but it’s difficult to speak in this Hazmat suit. Now look chaps, there really is absolutely nothing to worry about. This is all just scaremongering by the press and the families of the dead and dying. I mean other scaremongerers. You all just need to carry on with your lives. For as long as you’re able. The hospital will remain open at all times. There isn’t anyone there right now, obviously, as we’re all on three months’ Diversity and Equalities training down here in our secret bunk….learning and development suite. Be assured that we’ll be right back up there as soon as we’re done. In the meantime, if you could just line up and die in an orderly manner, it will make the mass burnings of bodies that much easier once it’s all over. Shit…….’ The rest of the recording was indecipherable.

Dorset Eye’s man on the street said, ‘Should I be bleeding from here?’


Robin Armstrong is fifty and bloody feels like it. He was born and educated in Dorchester, Dorset, when Hardye’s School was more akin to Hogwarts than the office block it is now. He subsequently got lost in London for 25 years before finally finding his way back to the rural idyll in 2010

He now lives in the middle of nowhere and spends his life working and driving miles to buy a pint of milk. Any remaining time is dedicated to being a treatment resistant smoker, wine lover and occasional comedy writer. He is also a nurse, father, husband and general know-all.

 He has no further ambitions in life and is allergic to IKEA and chickpeas.

For those seeking to understand Ebola this analysis by Paul Farmer is the most enlightening we have found.

To report this post you need to login first.
Dorset Eye
Dorset Eye
Dorset Eye is an independent not for profit news website built to empower all people to have a voice. To be sustainable Dorset Eye needs your support. Please help us to deliver independent citizen news... by clicking the link below and contributing. Your support means everything for the future of Dorset Eye. Thank you.

DONATE

Dorset Eye Logo

DONATE

- Advertisment -

Most Popular