The British far right was said to be “utterly devastated” this morning after police confirmed that the Cambridgeshire train mass stabbing suspect was not, in fact, a Muslim, an immigrant, or even in possession of a suspiciously foreign-sounding surname.
The news that 32-year-old Anthony Williams from Peterborough had been charged left online hate merchants across the UK reeling in confusion, forced to confront the shocking possibility that violent crime might—on occasion—be committed by a British man called Anthony.
“It’s political correctness gone mad,” fumed one anonymous Twitter user, who had spent Saturday evening frantically refreshing the Daily Mail homepage waiting for a name that could justify a 2,000-word rant about multiculturalism. “When they said ‘mass stabbing’, I had my tweet ready to go: ‘Close the borders!’ Now what am I supposed to write—‘Close Peterborough’?”
Far-right commentators reportedly scrambled overnight to adjust their narratives. Some insisted that “Anthony Williams” was clearly an alias, while others suggested he might have converted to Islam “at some point”, possibly in a kebab shop. One Facebook group administrator proposed that Williams was a “sleeper agent of woke Britain” radicalised by gender-neutral toilet signage.
Meanwhile, police have reiterated that there is no evidence the attack was terror-related, and that the suspect was known locally as “a bit odd, but mostly quiet.” This, however, did little to satisfy Britain’s professional outrage machine.
On fringe media channels, presenters were seen staring bleakly into the camera, visibly struggling to process the lack of a convenient scapegoat. One reportedly sighed, “It’s just not the same blaming mental health. You can’t build a movement around that.”
Experts say this sort of knee-jerk blame culture—where “Muslim” or “immigrant” are assumed culprits before facts emerge—has real consequences. “It fuels division, erodes trust, and distracts from the actual issues,” said one researcher, “like underfunded mental health services or the fact that anyone can apparently bring a knife on a train.”
By Sunday night, as police confirmed Williams’ identity, far-right Telegram channels fell eerily silent. For some, it was a moment of genuine crisis. “We can’t keep doing this,” posted one user under the handle BritPatriot1988. “Every time, it’s the same—jump the gun, blame Muslims, and then it turns out to be Dave from the pub. It’s bad optics.”
Still, optimism remains among the die-hards. “Just because he’s not a Muslim or an immigrant doesn’t mean it’s not multiculturalism’s fault,” one pundit insisted. “If we didn’t have immigration, he wouldn’t have been driven mad by it.”
In the meantime, normal people across the country are left reflecting on how absurdly predictable this cycle has become: tragedy, speculation, outrage, correction—and then silence, as if nothing was learned.
Until, of course, the next incident.
Because somewhere, in a dimly lit corner of the internet, a man with a Union Jack avatar is already typing: “Bet it’s a Muslim.”
