The Prime Minister has denied that her government fears riots following the crushing defeat of her flagship Brexit deal by MPs. “I accept that we’ve wasted two and a half years and got through who knows how many Brexit Secretaries to end up in this pig’s muck. But it’s always been the tactic of my government to muddle along and pretend everything is working out fine.”
She denied that splits in her Cabinet over Brexit were widening. “The Cabinet is united. All the Ministers who didn’t support me have either resigned or are keeping quiet.”
Mrs. May said as a precaution extra riot police were being drafted in, though she admitted they would be thinly spread because her government had savagely cut police budgets. “There isn’t a magic money tree. We had to find the £2billion we needed for bribing the D.U.P. to keep us in power from somewhere,” she explained. “Anyway the police were getting lazy. Now we’ve got them all working flat out there aren’t any spare officers to take on extra riot duties. But we’ve given them extra powers under the Public Order Act to clamp down on Remainers and Leavers calling each other nasty names. Causing distress by shouting ‘numpty’ and ‘stupid woman’ will be severely dealt with.”
A Senior Police Officer who did not want to be named said the police weren’t expecting much trouble. “There’s a lot of anger and cynicism across the UK, but we expect the sheeple to sink back into their usual state of apathy once the Prime Minister has sorted her own mess out.”
Andy Hamilton
