02080490090 have just cold called me. They wanted to talk to me about my recent car accident, was I hurt.

Yes I said. Much sympathy and I was passed to another handler. They took down all my details etc, (all false) and then asked about the accident.

I told them how I was crushed between 2 supermarket lorries, how the fire fighters cut me out and the paramedics kept me alive while all this was going on. The blue light special to Guys hospital in London as I was too injured to fly.

They asked how serious my injuries were, all the while hearing the cash registers ringing. I then gravely told them how I lost my arms and legs. Kerching! Tescos were going to get screwed.

I was then asked if there were any complications. I explained I died a few days later and my funeral is next Thursday.

Apparently, I’m a cunt.

Never leave a bored veteran without adult supervision.

John Killkelly

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