For all that is holy, please watch this before moving on down:
Paul Nuttalls of the UKIPs appointed Reform UK deputy chairman.
— Reform Party UK Exposed 🇬🇧 (@reformexposed) July 3, 2025
He's the man that lied about:
• Being a footballer
• Having a PhD
• Losing close friends at Hillsboroughhttps://t.co/GrWFTtq9KY
I could not resist this satirical sketch:
So, Paul Nuttall.
You remember Paul Nuttall.
You do, don’t you?
Of course you do. You can’t forget Paul Nuttall. He’s like a stubborn stain on the laminate floor of British politics. You can sand it down, you can bleach it, you can move the furniture over it, but somehow—
Somehow—Paul Nuttall remains.
And now.
Now… Paul Nuttall has returned.
He’s back.
You thought he was gone. You thought he’d quietly retired to run a Toby Carvery somewhere just outside Warrington. But no.
Paul Nuttall… has been made Deputy Chair of Reform UK.
Reform UK. The sequel to UKIP.
UKIP 2: This Time It’s Even More About Pies.
The spiritual successor to a movement whose central mission is to set fire to Europe and then complain there’s ash in the garden centre.
And they’ve brought Paul back.
Because nothing says, “Fresh start,” like Paul Nuttall.
Paul Nuttall.
A man whose career is the political equivalent of finding a Greggs steak bake in your coat pocket from last November.
You don’t know how it got there. You don’t know if you put it there.
But it’s there now.
And it’s warm.
Because Paul Nuttall was at Hillsborough. Or he wasn’t. Or maybe his website was there.
Paul Nuttall played for Tranmere Rovers. Or he didn’t. Or maybe his website had a trial.
Paul Nuttall completed a PhD. Or he didn’t. Or maybe the PhD was on his website and it was doing its own independent research.
You see, you can’t pin Paul Nuttall down.
He exists in a quantum state. Like Schrödinger’s Gammon.
And now, now he’s Deputy Chair of Reform UK.
But what does Deputy Chair mean, really?
It’s like being the vice-captain of the Titanic.
“Excuse me, Captain, but I think we’ve hit an iceberg.”
“Ah, yes, well spotted, Deputy Chair. Could you just pop below deck and make sure the website confirms it?”
Deputy Chair.
Deputy Chair of Reform UK.
Imagine the job description.
“Must have no discernible shame.
Must have a proven track record of saying things that aren’t true, but saying them with the rock-solid confidence of a man who’s just finished a full English and half a pint of Sarsons.”
Paul Nuttall—who was there at the building of Hadrian’s Wall.
Paul Nuttall—who single-handedly won the 1966 World Cup with a hat trick in extra time, while simultaneously managing Tranmere Rovers from the touchline.
Paul Nuttall—who invented electricity, the bacon barm, and regional resentment.
It’s okay, Paul.
We know.
We know the website told you to say it.
Because the truth doesn’t matter anymore, does it?
We live in the age of vibes.
The age of feelings.
The age of Paul Nuttall’s website.
Where a fact is just something that temporarily exists until someone refreshes the page.
Maybe next week the website will say he’s Prime Minister.
Maybe next week the website will say he invented the website.
Maybe next week the website will say he’s… Stewart Lee.
Wouldn’t that be a twist?
But, of course…
You knew that already.
You saw it on the website.
Deputy Chair. Of Reform UK.
Good grief.
