“What does an Essex girl say after her doctor tells her she’s pregnant?”

Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills is being investigated by Ofcom for reading out an Essex girl joke on his show.

Of its supposedly comedic genre it was certainly less amusing than it was offensive: “What does an Essex girl say after her doctor tells her she’s pregnant?”

Answer: “Is it mine?”

As an actual Essex girl who lived through the national guffawing of Essex girl gags first time around, I don’t think bleating to Ofcom is really our style.

I prefer this: “What does an Essex girl who’s heard one too many of your Essex girl jokes do?

“Impales her Manolo stiletto heel squarely in your crotch then batters you around the head with her baby blue Michael Kors.

“She then swishes her beautiful hair, licks her scarlet lips and goes home to her lovely family in her nice house far away from all you up-yourself urban elites.”

Alison Phillips